Traditions are a funny thing. We just pass these things down without questioning them. They really are the elephant in the room. I am not much of a world traveler, so I am not too sure how other countries deal with some of these holiday traditions, but lets go through some. One in particular is personally strange for me.

In October we go door to door asking for candy. “Trick or Treat” is what we say. That greeting alone is questionable. Does anyone ever choose trick when people come to the door on this incredibly awkward evening?

Could you imagine if we did this normally? I may go try this on my neighbor.

“Hey, good evening. I know it is late, but I have a real hankering for some candy. And you better not give me any generic candy. This is real.”

It would be nothing short of weird, but since some group decided that for one night a year it would be a great idea, we just do it without thinking. I have not even mentioned that fact that we dress up in ridiculous outfits in the process. Think about this next time that night in October rolls around.

November tries not to be outdone. Good ‘ole Thanksgiving. This is a holiday where we eat so much we knock ourselves out. We try to blame the chemicals in turkey, but I don’t buy it. It is probably the fact that we are unashamedly eating until it hurts, and then eating dessert. But, hey, it’s for the family, right?

Still, it is kind of weird. Don’t think about it though, eating is too much fun.

3rd time is a charm: December. Now, I know what you are thinking, “Hey buddy, don’t you go after Christmas. Jesus is off limits!”

Ok, I hear you. But, let’s talk about this anyway.

Pine tree in your living room, draped in lights and poorly made trinkets. Pine tree…in your living room (fake tree if you grew up in my house). Not enough, ok, take those other lights and line the porch and shrubs. Then, lets put some socks over the fireplace. Now we are ready to celebrate. As Jim Gaffigan says, this looks like the activities of a drunk man.

It gets better on Christmas — Jesus got presence. Which obviously translates into me making a Christmas list full of all of the things I cannot afford, but hope that someone in my family can (I know this is taken from another weird Christmas tradition, but this would be a book if we dissected everything). Ever have someone get you something that is not on your list? Try wiggling your way out of that awkward situation.

“Oh, oven mitts! I have been holding out for a sweet pair of these thank you!” Translation: regift.

The whole Christmas thing can be weird. But we love it.

Ok. Valentine’s Day. I am not into this day. Caused a huge argument with my wife (then, girlfriend…I got lucky), which is a post for another day. Just know it involved me being so straight forward about how the day was going to go down, that she was convinced that I had a huge day planned for her.

It was bad. But seriously…I will buy you a dozen roses every day for a month and I will spend less than I do on one dozen on that day. And can someone please tell me what this day even means?

I digress…

Now we get to the one that should have been my favorite growing up. I consider myself quite the candy man. Give me some SPK’s (Sour Patch Kids) and some Sweet Tarts and I am happy. Throw in some War Heads and it is exhilarating. This is why the bulk-candy aisle at Wegman’s is so good, yet so dangerous.

It was years before I even realized what was happening to me around the Easter holiday. I was not putting two and two together. At some point I started to look around at other people on this day and really began to question everything in my life. The candy stashes these kids were bragging about were astonishing. I was utterly confused about what was happening. The same amount of candy as Halloween, with hardly any of the work depending on your parents ability to hide large baskets.

Here is how it went down at the Jansen’s:

Joe, Josh, and Janelle wake up on Sunday morning. Dad was pastoring then, so he was gone to church. Mom was patiently waiting for us to come down stairs for our easter egg hunt (again, weird traditions). Joe, Josh, and Janelle finally get down stairs mom sends them off on our mini-adventure to find our easter baskets.

We could talk about the ease at which we found these “baskets,” but I would rather focus on the contents of the “baskets.”

I am not sure whether my parents forgot about this Thanksgiving of Candy, or if they just missed it entirely. Upon turning around to the first corner, I found a pineapple. At first, I was not quite sure if this is what I was looking for. First of all, I never eat pineapple. Secondly, Easter is about candy — definitely not fruit. But the location was so peculiar that I had to pick it up, and my mom’s joyous reaction to me “finding” it let me know that this truly did just happen to my childhood. My siblings both found the same things in their corners of the room. Three pineapples. Every year since then — pineapples. Not pomegranates, or a huge box of cherries. Pineapples.

I am still confused about the whole thing. I think I know what went down. My mom thought that just like Halloween, if she could get enough people to do the most strange activity, she could actually be the author of a tradition. It has not caught yet, but who knows, maybe next Easter you will get a citrus fruit.

Please Note: This past Easter our whole family was together. My mom still hid the pineapples, but she has upped her game: Scattered on the floor (not really hidden…we are still working on that) were tons of Easter eggs. In these eggs were candy and money. Yes, money.

She wins.

Does your family have any weird traditions? You are in good company.

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