My childhood was just like yours. Not perfect. There was a lot of not so pretty stuff that went on. My parents used to drink… a lot. I was hauled around in cars with my drunken dad at the wheel. I listened to my mom cry on the phone, begging my dad to come home from the bar after having not seen him for a week while he was away at work. And I got to see my dad stumble in the door after drunken bar fights. Good times.

Needless to say, those times left a few mental scars.

I didn’t realize how badly it scarred me until I met someone honest enough too call me out on it. My wife, Cora, is that all-too-honest voice in my life that doesn’t allow me to get away with feeling sorry for myself. With three kids running around, she simply doesn’t have time to deal with any more childishness.

So at 30-years-old she said these life-changing words to me: “They are not ‘those’ people anymore. You have to look at them for who they are today.”

Damn… it was so much easier to feel sorry for myself when I could pretend that my parents didn’t completely turn their life around 20 years ago.

For them, everything changed overnight. The day my parents stopped going to the bar was the day that their “friends” decided that they weren’t valuable. Friends that they had for years just left. Friends that they shared intimate times with just left. Their “friends” just left. And I’m glad they did.

Ironically, I struggle with the words that I’m writing right now because I fear that I’ll lose friends too. The fear of hurt feelings that come from people being honest and saying, “I’m not that person anymore,” can cause stage fright.

There is an amazing thing that happens when the truth comes out for the first time. It’s liberating to publish something knowing that your current friends and family might not get it. They might be upset because you’ve changed. They might stop talking to you or talk about you behind your back. Any time change occurs, bad things will happen. Maybe. Or maybe your assumptions about what people will say are all false. Either way, it doesn’t really matter…

Maybe you’re thinking of a new business venture after having lived a “safe” life for what feels like too long.

Maybe you’re thinking of starting a blog, but you’re terrified that co-workers, family or friends will read your writing and question it.

Maybe you’re thinking of writing a book, but you’re afraid of what your peers will think when you mention it on Facebook.

Maybe you just want to change your attitude and philosophy on life, but don’t want to come across as fake to the people that have seen your not-so-pretty side.

Or maybe you are doing something as simple as changing your wardrobe and you’re afraid of standing out.

There is one thing I’m certain about:

“The only thing you need to do if you want to lose bad friends is try something bold to better yourself.”

They will run like scared little mice. It’s just too hard to watch someone succeed when you’re still afraid of failure.

Change is always hard and often it’s because we fear that the people we have known for years will be disappointed in the change they see.

Just stay truthful.

“Honesty is life-changing.”

If you’re stagnant, change. The people that truly care about you will be happy that you are doing more good things.

Don’t think about it for too long. Just move on. My parents made a wonderful and horribly difficult decision those many years ago. And even though their friends backed out and criticized, I saw first hand that it was the right decision. For that, I will be forever thankful.

Be bold. The people closest to you will be just as thankful as I am.