Everyone who knows me says I have a problem. An issue. I can’t stay focused, jump topics in conversation, start multiple tasks and finish none. I talk a lot and usually talk over people in conversation. Some say I have adult ADD. I was after all diagnosed with it as a child. Today is my first day taking a medication called Vyvanse. It’s a similar medication to Adderall but varies in its anti-habit forming attributes. I had the day off today and was a matter of fact, more productive. As the medication began to kick in, my normally cloudy sporadic mind seemed abnormally focused and still. I began to think about my decade long opposition to the idea of medically induced normalism. I fought hard to stay sober in my early 20’s and inadvertently adopted a hippy mentality having lived in Austin during those years. I exercised regularly, drank vegetable and fruit juice cocktails mixed with things like turmeric and hemp oil. I thought my dependence on drugs legal or otherwise was all but diminished. Ironically, during this time I worked for a pharmaceutical testing facility as a phlebotomist. In working there, I learned the “in’s and out’s” of the big pharm companies when it came to Phase II drug trials, data analysis, adverse reactions, and drug approval. I also witnessed the amount of money that is spent during clinical trials and it’s unfathomable. Knowing these things, I convinced myself that the big pharm companies had a lot invested in keeping people sick or ill informed. I convinced myself that prescription drugs are BS and the bodies natural ability to heal itself, and the minds natural ability to produce neurotransmitters without oral chemical assistance was the only way… Then why do I feel the way I do? Why am I able to write this without glancing at my phone or fidgeting with things on my desk? Is “Chemical Imbalance” theory or fact? If chemical imbalance is fact, is it due due to diet? Is it due to trauma, genetic predisposition, pollution, or pesticides? Is it due to our inevitable evolution in the direction of a species that’s dependent on technology and supplementation? After all we do not use are bodies as intended. We no longer hunt or forage for our food. We no longer have to procreate as a necessity for our survival. Ehhh. Who knows? The bigger question is my problem a problem at all. Is it as simple as my left side of my brain being more dominant to favor a creative personality? Do I embrace it? For now, I choose productivity as I am a father and art doesn’t usually pay the bills consistently. No. For now, I must join the slave drones in the workforce and remain a productive, producing, tax paying, and semi-decent member of society.
*Pop’s another pill into mouth*