The ‘Bill’ You Should Pay On The First Date

“Are you free this weekend? Let’s grab lunch and watch movies.”

“Hey, would you like to go out with me this Saturday?”

First dates are one of the most memorable events in almost all couples; in general, the ‘firsts’ are significant and consequential, especially from a woman’s point of view. According to an article from Psychology Today last 2018, first dates are pivotal in establishing how a possible relationship will flourish. Predominantly, a first date is an open gateway where two people get to know each other more profoundly; it’s more than just asking what’s their favorite color or other essential information about your potential partner, it’s a chance to observe what is their favorite color.

We are living in a generation where dating can be started in any medium, traditional dating where you meet a person first personally is only sometimes practiced in this modern society. As technology has dominated everything, it has also had a significant impact on dating. It is now simple for people to locate compatible matches among the billions of people attributable to the extensive reach of internet platforms. You may pick from various online dating websites and applications, bumble, tinder, lit match, and so on. Primarily, first dates are subjective; in most people it happens spontaneously. Even if you’re not officially together yet, hanging out together can be considered a first date, whether you’re just having a usual conversation while riding a motorcycle or sitting comfortably under your car hood while drinking beer is considered as a date too. However, some people are particular about their first date with their partner. Some prefer activities with a loud environment on their first dates, like attending concerts, watching movies, or going to an amusement park to spice up the fun and avoid awkward silence and dead air. In contrast, some like to have a serene environment, like having a picnic, drinking coffee in a nearby coffee shop, or exploring and learning in museums. With all of these activities given, at the end of the day, people answer one question with different opinions from their own perspective; who should pay on the first date?

Last 2022, this question became controversial in many social media sites, especially in TikTok, when one content creator claimed that first date finances should be addressed ‘kkb’ or ‘kanya-kanyang bayad,’ which means a woman would pay for herself and the same goes for men. Many have responded by stitching his video and stating that a guy paying the bill for both parties during the first date is a must and a bare minimum, as guys are the ones who do the courtships. It’s a way of showing their genuine feelings and pure intentions to the woman they’re courting. However, in this modern society, dates are not only done by heterosexual relationships as nowadays homosexual relationships are highly encouraged to be accepted and normalized. The traditional rule of the man paying on the first date can not be ruled. It is safe to say that the one who initiated the first date together would pay the bills on the first date. But is it really the ‘bill’ you should prepare on paying?

When I asked my friends, classmates, and acquaintances this question, who answered differently based on their experiences and gender orientation, their answers had one common denominator; the bond should be given more attention and importance rather than who should pay the bills. Dating is not only limited to ages early 20’s and above who mostly have careers and monthly wages to pay for their bills. Younger adults ranging from 16 to 19 and teenagers have also had their first date during those ages. It is crucial for both parties to talk about how they would settle their bills on their date. Whether the man or woman pays or splits the bill, it doesn’t matter as long as you enjoy your time together. Each couple has its own situations and circumstances. Some women insist on paying their bills on their first date depending on whether they have the means to pay for it or they’re the ones who planned their hangout. Through communication, both parties can discuss what activities and events they can join that are feasible and how to divide the cost upfront to prevent implicit assumptions of who should pay. In hopes of avoiding gendered preconceptions of who should pay, couples should mutually arrange the date with an emphasis on mutual sustainability.

Thus, couples should pay more attention to how to work out their first date together as some people fail to give an excellent impression to the person they’re dating. Most of my friends believe it is essential to be yourself on your first date, maximize your time, and be openly communicative. A couple of people try so hard to impress their dates that they tend to pretend and show someone he or she is not, and some are too pushy and comfortable being an open book that they share too much information about themselves. Be genuine and show interest in the person you are dating. Don’t just flex your achievements, talents, and skills to impress them or ask typical questions like their favorite color, movie, or food. Instead, observe their likes, listen to their stories, and enjoy your moments. Dates are not a competition for you to have an opportunity to show off and flex but rather an audition to show who you really are.

References:
Wells, J., n.d. Why it pays to pick up the bill on the first date. Retrieved from: https://www.thegentlemansjournal.com/article/pays-pick-bill-first-date/#:~:text=The%20gentleman%20should%20always%20pay,I've%20got%20this%E2%80%9D.

Paul, T. 2022. Who should pay on the first date? Retrieved from https://www.cnbc.com/select/who-pays-on-the-first-date/

Shield, L. & Madden, H. 2022 Who Should Pay on a Date? Modern Rules for Date Etiquette. Retrieved from https://www.wikihow.com/Who-Pays-on-a-Date