Yup, masculinity equals punching people in the face is basically the standard definition, continuing that tradition and calibrating it as the way one becomes accepted as male seems a highly questionable project.
As you say I’m glad he is happy but it’s not a revolutionary idea. I learned that to be a boy I had to learn to punch people in the face, usually because the only other option was getting punched in the face myself, repeatedly, by anyone who noticed you weren’t punching back.
My dad always said, even if you lose the fight, you won’t be a mark if you at least try to hurt them back, which was 100% true.
And this was from a nurturing, somewhat feminine, openly bisexual father, not exactly what one would expect to be saying things like that. But he’d done the lesson when he was a kid and knew how it worked.
So yeah it’s too bad that this is the definition of masculinity that’s been embraced by nearly everyone, and it’s sad that it’s still being promoted as the way you become a man.
Every time I get into an conversation about masculinity with people who promote the central themes of the traditional masculine man, strength, hardness, righteous violence (all that chivalry, nobility, protection racket bull shit) and all the rest of the nonsense I can see your familiar with; I always say I’ve been most heroic and useful and done the most good not with violence but with compassion and a knowledge of basic first aid.
I always tell men who want to look masculine to take a first aid class and to learn to speak kindly to those who might need a kind word.
I have a son now and I’ll give him that same advice, but unfortunately I think I’ll still need to tell him to always hit back, twice as hard and dont run away.
Which sucks. And ultimately makes everyone is sad.
Great article, thank you.
