You’re Not Listening (And Neither Am I)
In my experience, we suck at listening.
It’s a commonplace that listening is important. “Seek first to understand, then be understood,” says Stephen Covey’s fifth habit. You have two ears and one mouth. There are scholarly journals about listening, books on how to listen better, and occupations (counseling, the ministry, customer service reps) where a primary function is listening.
But when we enter a conversation, we tune out. We’re waiting until it’s our turn to speak, mentally rehearsing our pithy comment.
In improvisation, it’s obvious when someone isn’t listening. Players, especially beginners, feel immense pressure to “say something funny.” Naturally, they assume thinking about what they’re going to say will help. So instead of listening, they deny the world set up by the other player. They miss important context. The audience isn’t caught up thinking about what to do next — they’re listening — so they notice when someone on stage is not.
Improv is a lot easier when you’re actually listening. I believe a lot else in life is, too.
Listening is hard, though. There is a lot to it. Just within improvisation, there’s listening to:
- what your scene partner’s character is saying and doing
- what your scene partner’s intention as an improviser is (for example, if I say “Please, please don’t eat my banana split,” you bet I want you to eat the banana split)
- the audience’s reaction or lack of reaction, as a guide to what might be more or less fun in a scene, and to not talk over laughter
- yourself, as in the fun, natural impulse in yourself versus the clever-idea-thinking-up-funny-things impulse
Outside of comedic performance, listening still has levels. In linguistics, this falls under the heading pragmatics. Working to listen more and tune out less even to only one aspect of communication will help you a lot. (One quick trick is to try to listen for the final word the other person says.) Listening to more levels can offer even more benefit, like identifying an underlying issue beyond the surface.
Although I’m get closer to mastery in improvisation, I’m no master of listening off stage. I find myself thinking about other things, planning what I’m going to say, or rushing through rote conversations. I hope catching yourself in those moments is a first step to listening better.
Want to practice listening? Could your office communicate and collaborate better? Click the link to find out how Ideas Workshop can help.
