Eulogy for my friend Somxay, RIP
Many of you don’t know me. My name is Joshua, I was a close friend of Somxay during middle and high school. We had lost touch after high school, but after a twenty year gap we reconnected through Facebook and had a phone conversation last January. We spoke for over two hours catching up on the past twenty years of life when it dawned on me that even though we traveled down two different paths, we still shared many similarities. We both had three children who are roughly the same age. We worked hard for them everyday to provide for their wants and needs. Despite the pressures of work, the highlight of our days was coming home and being greeted with a suffocating hug from our children.
Those of us who knew Somxay personally would say he was a walking contradiction. However, it would be a discredit to his memory to characterize him as the stereotypical caricature of a rough on the outside and soft in the inside anti-hero. At his core, Somxay was driven by a deep and unexplainable sense of loyalty to his family and friends. I recall many memories of Somxay sharing his time, his resources (by resources, I mean his weed and beer) and his two battle-ready fists for his friends.
Somxay was a fighter in every sense of the word. I remember one particular altercation after a basketball game at Interlake High. We walked into a crowd of people, who were watching two guys going toe-to-toe. We had no idea what was going on and we had no business being there. One of guys was ready to fight while the other one was just talking and it was obvious he didn’t want to raise up. While the guy who wanted to fight was taunting the other, Somxay walked into the circle and calmly said, “Hey man, I’ll fight you.” The guy made the dumb mistake of putting up his fists up signaling Somxay to pounce. After two hits from Somxay, the guy walked away and said “I have no beef with you”. Obviously, a check was written that could not be cashed. I said to Somxay afterwards, “bruh, warn me next time you do that. I was expecting for us to be observers, not participants.”
That fearless quality is something I admire .. and oftentimes envy. As we walk down the unpredictable path of our lives, we realize that our dreams are typically found on the other side of our fears. This is probably why so many of us, from all walks of life, were inexplicably drawn to Somxay. He embodied a quality we all wish we had more of regardless of our race, gender, or socioeconomic background. This quality transcended other aspects of his life. He fought for his family, and he fought for all of us at one point or another, and at the end, fought one hell of a fight for his life.
For those of you from Dallas, you should know he was a proud son of that city. So much so, I became a Cowboys fan prior to leaving for college in the Bay Area; not a good thing when I’m just starting out in 49er land and trying to make friends. Whenever I watch the Cowboys play or visit Dallas for business, I think about Somxay and his deep loyalty to his friends there. For the fellas from the Maple, he loved you guys and he was loyal to the end.
To Somxay’s brother Chai, I’ve known you as long as I’ve known Somxay himself. We all met at the community center together playing basketball. You were always the yin to Somxay’s yang. You were the quiet one. Where Somxay was loud and out front, you were reserved and settled in the back. Where Somxay would want to go out, you would prefer to stay home. Nonetheless, you were always an ever present constant in his life. A brother’s love could never be replaced, but I can assure you that Somxay’s friends would gladly fill that painful gap that now exists in your life; I count myself included in this lot. I’m sorry for your loss my friend.
To his parents, Mr. and Mrs. Phouleuanghong. I can’t count the times you allowed to stay overnight at your home and invited me to your dinner table. I’ve always viewed you both as surrogate parents during my high school years and I could always rely on you to open your doors to me. Because of this, my heart is breaking because I know your hearts are breaking. My deepest and heartfelt condolences to you, and your family.
To Jessica and the three daughters you shared with Somxay. I can’t even begin to comprehend the pain you are feeling from this unimaginably senseless act resulting in an angst that is so immeasurably cruel. There are no words of comfort in times like these, but only to say that we share in your sadness and our sincerest prayers are with you during this time.
To Somxay’s daughters, Aaliyah, Alyssa, and Alex. This feeling of great sorrow and anger of going through life without your father may be overwhelming and unbearable in the near term. Over time, it becomes easier to deal with on a day-to-day basis. However, poignant moments of your life will bring back this sorrow when you go through all the key milestones in your lives.
Whether it be your high school and college graduations, to landing your first job, to getting married and having children of your own, you will feel the emptiness of your father’s absence. When you do harbor this emotion, know this: Your father was a good man and he enriched all of our lives.
Your father literally died and çame back to life; and I am sure the reason why he fought so hard at the scene and at the hospital was because he wanted to come home to the three of you. You three were the greatest joy in his life and you kept him alive before and after the accident.
Somxay is now standing on the other end of a bridge waiting for that time in the far future, after you have lived long and fulfilling lives, for you to come home to him so he can hold all three of you again in his arms. And as your lives unfold and you walk down that long, winding path back home, at each one of these milestones, he’ll be whispering to you how proud he is and how much he loves you. He’ll speak to you in the deepest recess of your soul where only you can hear him, in the gentle breeze on a warm day that brings you just enough relief that you’ll notice, or in the rays of a bursting sun beating against the surface of your skin when the days get colder and the shadows get longer.
He’ll be there for you, so hold that in your hearts.
Live your lives like your father did, with loyalty and fidelity to your friends and family. Never stop fighting. Never stop fighting for who you are, what you believe is right and what is just, and never stop fighting for each other. In this way, you not only make a stake for yourselves in this life, but also honor the life your father lived.
We were all witnesses to this in the life Somxay lived; and because we did, we are all better for it. I know I am, that’s why I am grateful for the time I’ve known Somxay and why I’ll miss him so much.
May God bless Jessica, her daughters, Mr. and Mrs. Phouleuanghong, and Chai. May the grace of Lord be upon you all, and may His countenance continually shine upon the path leading you back home safely to our friend, brother, son, and father Somxay.
Joshua Cha, 2017