What Your Favorite 2017 Album Says About You
Inspired by Flavorwire’s “Stereotyping” series
War on Drugs — A Deeper Understanding: You embrace the term “dad rock,” wholeheartedly.
Japandroids — Near To The Wild Heart of Life: You reject the term “dad rock,” halfheartedly.
The National — Sleep Well Beast: You can and/or have written a 5000-word essay about “dad rock” and its place in the modern musical landscape.
The Killers — Wonderful Wonderful: You got rocks but you’re not a dad rocker.
LCD Soundsystem — American Dream: You think that saying “‘Losing My Edge’ has lost its edge” has lost its edge. (But you’re aware thinking that has lost its edge too.)
Vince Staples — Big Fish Theory: You liked Kendrick’s verse on “Yeah Right” more than the entirety of DAMN.
Kendrick Lamar — DAMN.: You’re still secretly waiting on NATION.
Dua Lipa — Dua Lipa: You’re a totally chill poptimist and everyone wants to be your friend.
Halsey — Hopeless Fountain Kingdom: You’re an angsty poptimist and would have more friends but you don’t want them to see your true self.
The Chainsmokers — Memories… Do Not Open : You got so into poptimism that you wrapped back around to unironically liking white male pop-rock.
Harry Styles — Harry Styles: You’re a dadrocktimist.
Angel Olsen — Phases: This was your selection after you remembered that My Woman came out in 2016.
Sampha — Process: This was your selection after you remembered that Blond(e) came out in 2016.
Open Mike Eagle — Brick Body Kids Still Daydream: Not everyone understands you, but you’re regarded by your friends as a deep, often brilliant thinker. If they get you, they think you’re the shit.
Fleet Foxes — The Crack-Up: You lament that everyone else still “hasn’t got around to hearing it yet.”
Father John Misty — Pure Comedy: You quote it and think about it regularly, but even you will admit you haven’t listened to it since it came out.
Mount Eerie — A Crow Looked At Me: You haven’t listened to this since it came out either, but honestly that’s totally understandable.
Arcade Fire — Everything Now: You’re Win Butler.
Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit — The Nashville Sound: You got a good head on your shoulders. Someone has called you “too nice” before, an attempted insult you chose to take as a compliment.
Margo Price — All American Made: You’ve been a proud feminist for as long as you can remember, and while you’re not quite up to date on all the newfangled terminology, you’re open minded, well-intentioned, and trying your best.
Courtney Barnett and Kurt Vile — Lotta Sea Lice: You’ve made the joke about their first names resembling that of Love and Cobain several times already, but no one minds cause you’re so damn likable.
Lorde — Melodrama: You’re generally a smart, well-regarded, down-to-earth person, even if your friends have reservations about that weird guy you know who brings his childhood bedroom with him everywhere on tour.
St. Vincent — MASSEDUCTION: I mean, he totally seems nice, but dude gives me strange vibes sometimes. Enough about him though: You’re a kinky motherfucker with After Dark accounts for your After Dark accounts. Though by the third or fourth circle you’re just tweeting about your crippling depression instead.
Taylor Swift — Reputation: Girl, I feel like you’ve changed since you and him started hanging out. The last time I tried to call you, you just talked about how that “old you” isn’t coming back, but sometimes I miss her, you know? It’s like she’s dead. Whatever — depending on your old vs new preference, your favorite song on here is either “I Did Something Bad” or “New Years Day”.
Aimee Mann — Mental Illness: You’re a wistful wine mom that’s lived in LA for the last few years, but sometimes misses her home in the midwest. You wonder if you really miss it, or just miss the idea of it. (You’re not sure what that means either.)
Grizzly Bear — Painted Ruins: You’re a wistful wine dad who people depend on for wisdom and emotional stability. Their dad-rock, one might say.
Arca — Arca: you’re a vengeful non-binary wine person who hates Anthony Fantano.
Bleachers — Gone Now: People have weird feelings about you and how you bring your childhood bedroom everywhere on tour, but it’s chill.
Perfume Genius — No Shape: People told you that your English degree wouldn’t get you a Good Job, but you’ve managed to eke out a living and find a significant other while maintaining your positivity (at least outwardly) and your flamboyance. Unrelated; You passed out when you saw this Fortune article.
Laura Marling — Semper Femina: Harold, you’re lesbians.
Jlin — Black Origami: Harold, you’re avant-garde.
PWR BTTM — Pageant: Harold, you just woke up from an extended coma.
Everything Everything — A Fever Dream: You just woke up from an extended coma, and someone caught you up.
Bjork — Utopia: Your natural form is a kaleidoscopic vulva.
Fever Ray — Plunge: See above.
Kesha — Rainbow: Hey, look at me, alright? You are wonderful, beautiful, strong, and deserve nothing but happiness.
Paramore — After Laughter: I hope you surround yourself with people that adore you because you’re goddamn worth it, okay?
Julien Baker — Turn Out The Lights: Look, I know you’re reading this thinking it doesn’t apply to you, but please know that no matter what you’ve done, no matter what you’ve faced, you are still worthy of all the love and affection in the world. Take care of yourself.
Chris Brown — Heartbreak On A Full Moon: Really? Out of all the albums? Have you seen the news the past two months? Have you even heard all three hours? Fuck off.