One Design for Everyone, Forever

All references of race, worldviews, languages, bodies, minds, emotions, animals, and aliens are intended as satire. I personally hold no prejudice toward anyone.

When I took out my sketchbook purchased at a big box store that’s 8 1/2 x 11", I did so because it’s the only size everyone uses. I used the universal Bic pen, fit perfectly into all of our four-fingered; one-thumbed hands and contrasts wonderfully against the color of our light skin. We all read the English branding, which reminds us of our heritage. When I click it against my wedding ring — sized for everyone—I feel a sense of relief, evaporated from all anxieties of discomfort.

Then, I began to design. Looking through my unisex glasses designed to improve everyone’s vision, my handwriting was legible for those who read and write in Arabic, Mandarin, and Braille. The ink was selected so even my colorblind dog can read it. I’m so happy in my stretchy t-shirt fitted for every child, woman, and man; paired with a matching baseball cap with a fitting mechanism so babies and those with pituitary adenoma can wear it.

The design was well received by everyone on Earth, including the blind, illiterate, and dyslexic. Inspired by our environment, my native city of Chicago, a city of glass, steel, and concrete—offered the richest variations of gray for inspiration… so, my friends in rural Oregon, who have the greenest nature in all the land, sense the design was created by someone who understands their aesthetic sensibilities most.

When I think of my clients, they’re all the same. A pocket of money asking me for the same design I sell to everyone. No reason to revise it because it’s worked for 25 years now. 25 years is all it takes to know. It’s been presented on billboards to virtual reality worlds; used to represent every product and service ever offered, revealing the inside joke of vector graphics. Artificial intelligence tried to recreate it, but up went the smoke and down went the machines.

I’m a purist, so the design will last forever. It is and will always be better and more relevant than everything else ever designed. People say it’s divine. All perfect things are divine, you know. If your worldview doesn’t align with divinity or perfection, it’s still designed just for you and every individual and organization imaginable. It’s designed for every extraterrestrial being included, those in parallel universes especially. Time-travelers agree — it’s the best there is, ever was, and ever will be.

So, we’ve decided to end the field of Graphic Design because everyone in the field has either become depressed or changed professions. Fortunately, my design is bringing people out of depression because it stimulates every psychological state, dwarfing depression to a cakewalk.

One design for everyone, forever.


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About the Author

Joshua Hoering is a writer, designer, educator, artist, and speaker based in Chicago, Illinois. He’s currently working on an MFA in Graphic Design & Visual Experience at the Savannah College of Art & Design.

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