Like the first time

“man kissing woman on her forehead” by mari lezhava on Unsplash

Our friend cancelled dinner plans. As always, you made the most of it. We dressed up and had a romantic lunch; mushroom soup, mozzarella salad, elder flower water and a mouth-watering apple and carrot cake topped with chai panna cotta. Your cooking was, again, unparalleled.

We asked each other about our weeks, about our desires for the next few months and how we could share more new activities together.

Then, we danced. For half an hour, on that lazy Sunday afternoon, we danced through a calm wave of Patti Smith, Joshua James and Fleetwood Mac. We held each other tight, pressed together in an embrace that made me feel as safe and loved as you make me feel every day. We swayed and the music played.

And we kissed. We ran our hands over each other, pressed, squeezed and stroked, reached passionate peaks and drifted to compassionate, tender touches.

It felt like I was kissing you for the first time. Like we were kissing on the cobble stone streets of London, waiting for a bus on a rainy Autumn night, or holding each other under a streetlamp in Chinatown as the city slept. I felt us through all of those moments, like they were happening all at once. Your lips sent tingles through my every cell.

I realised, in those moments, we gave each other our complete attention. We were attentive to each other, focused on one another, lost in appreciation of the lover before us to the point that everything else seemed to fade away because everything was already within us.

We were present together. There is no room for past or future in the present, just the recognition that time is a succession of ‘now’s.

Every moment you live will happen now.

When I kissed you today, it felt like the first time because I was present with you.

We often tell each other that we can’t wait to spend our lives together. Now I know we won’t have to wait, because we will live it all now.

Joshua Phoenix Castleton
Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade