Breaking Bad Habits by Changing Your Internal Conversation

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Everyone has bad habits. Whether it’s something that slows your progress to a minimal degree, or something that tends to overtake your entire life for months on end, these bad habits are, in some way, making a negative impact on your life.

On the one hand, some of us have mild bad habits that we want to change, and this article can be helpful for that, but some of us have issues that can overtake our lives and destroy our productivity in a major way. I believe that Moderation is important, but some of us are just not wired for that — especially when it comes to certain vices that are specific to us.

These can, and must, be conquered in order to live happier and be more productive. It isn’t always easy. But by simply changing the way we talk to ourselves — our internal conversation — we can find more power within ourselves to ultimately break these bad habits for good.

So, if you have been trying to change a habit for years, and it’s something you truly want to change, this strategy can help significantly. I have used this to not only break my own video game addiction, but to learn how to plan my days consistently, quit eating sugar, eliminate dependence on marijuana, and read consistently every day.

So how can we change the conversation in our heads to better control these overwhelming habits?

Examining the Problem — Why Keep Bad Habits?

Here is the all too real reality that we face with bad habits. We don’t want to change them today. These bad habits offer us something, some instant gratification that makes us “feel” good.

And as a human being, we search for these “feel goods.”

For me, it was the combination of drugs (marijuana) and video games. In the back of my head, I was searching for some epic gamer moment where I would reach the pinnacle of entertainment and have the most fun I could ever have in my entire life ever.

It wasn’t a search for just instant gratification, it was a search for extreme instant gratification.

And, even though at the end of the night I hated myself for it. By mid morning I was over the guilt, ready to take another swing at it!

It’s funny how we can point the finger to someone else and wonder, “how the hell could you get caught up in something so stupid?” For instance, alcoholism. Personally, I can drink a few drinks a night and not overdo it, I don’t like it that much (which is the key factor), and I hate feeling “drunk,” so it’s easy for me to wonder why an alcoholic becomes the way they are.

Then I mega binge, hardcore style, on other “drugs.”

And in the end, we need to realize that it’s all drugs. It’s all about the way chemicals interact in the brain. Sugar, TV, alcohol, video games, sex, porn, Facebook, Myspace, the ipad, if you have an overuse problem, it’s a drug problem. Using and overusing causes the body to pump drugs into your brain.

This is why it’s so hard to break. And, once again, everyone is wired differently.

In the end, the question is, do we really want to change?

Mental Masturbation — “I Need to Change”

On a mental level, we might really want to change. But something holds us back. The physical brain wants to keep going.

Deep thoughts and a tree branch.

It’s a survival instinct that is often too strong. The brain thinks it’s performing these actions in order to “survive.”

From an evolutionary standpoint, say with food, the brain wants us to binge because tomorrow there may not be any food left!

The same goes with all of these other chemically triggering habits. The brain is hardwired to binge on the pleasure, because it thinks that there may not be enough tomorrow.

And even though we may be slowly changing our evolution, there will always be some new stimulus tomorrow that we don’t deal with today.

So, because of this wiring, we naturally fall into what I call the “I need to change” revolving door.

Constantly, we tell ourselves “I need to change, I am going to change.” But when we talk this way, we are leaving room for just one more night, one more game, one more chocolate snack, one more Facebook like.

And hey, why not? Now we get to feel good about the fact that we are going to change without ever having to actually change.

Feels good man. It’s mental masturbation. It’s a way to stimulate ourselves into feeling good about changing while never actually changing — and then going right back into the negative habit.

Revolving door.

And the reason this self-talk doesn’t work is simple. It doesn’t apply to us right now. It’s something we want to do, something we hope to do, but it isn’t something we are doing right now and it isn’t something that has already been done.

In order for this to change, we have to target the way to talk to ourselves, this internal dialogue, so we can better tackle these bad habits and move forward as a much more complete and productive individual. Otherwise, we are going to remain stuck in an endless cycle of misery.

Making a Change that Sticks

What we need then is a statement that embodies the change that we want. The statement must be factual, definitive, and imply that the change has already happened.

By talking this way, we can adjust the internal dialogue that we have with ourselves and give ourselves a stronger foundation to stand on against these bad habits.

The statement is simple.

“I do not do X.”

This is the new statement that we must adopt. It is effortless, and it contains everything we need to move forward.

It doesn’t require heavy planning, or a massive focus on past behavior (which often leads to depression and more bad behavior), but it is just merely a fact.

This may seem like an oversimplification, but the reason it works is because it cuts out any wiggle room. There is no room to discuss with yourself whether or not you can have self control over this bad habit (which is usually the lie that leads us right back).

It is the beginning and end of the conversation.

And it is extremely powerful.

For me, it started with overcoming video games. Anytime I thought about playing, thought about watching a video on YouTube, thought about picking up a controller at a friends house, or anytime I even thought about playing video games, I just said to myself, “I don’t play video games.”

“I don’t play video games.” That’s just the way it is. It’s a fact. It embodies who I am. And it just is, there is no discussion.

We all know the first step down that negative pathway is almost always our thoughts. When we have a definitive statement like this, there is no room to think about it. We just accept that it is a fact, and move onto something else.

But, is this definitive and extreme approach necessary?

Extremism is Necessary

Now, I don’t like that I have to be extreme. Extremism is not something I often subscribe to or find to be healthy.

But when it comes to these bad habits, extremism is often the only answer.

And if you are fighting against this extremism, and a bad habit is still ruining your productivity — or worse your life — then you are only fighting it as justification to continue your negative actions.

This is what success looks like against a blue and white brick background.

Sure, these bad habits, in moderation, would offer us some kind of simple pleasure. I mean, playing video games once in a while is not harmful, and can be helpful as a stress release or just a little bit of fun.

But everyone is wired differently. And some of us have certain bad habits that are just too hard wired into us. We cannot find moderation, it just isn’t in the cards.

I can’t play competitive video games moderately. I have learned that about myself. Now that I know this I can either…

A: Keep trying to play moderately which will, without fail, lead me down the path to sleepless nights and wasted productivity.

Or

B: Cut it out entirely.

Which of these is better?

Once again, if moderation is possible, then great! But how many years should I keep lying to myself that I can control it when, time and time again, I end up in the exact same position?

Cutting out video games entirely for me is a no brainer. It just isn’t that important. I can’t tell you one time I looked back and said, “Oh remember that one night that I played video games last year? Wow that was fun.”

The same can be said for binge eating, alcoholism, social media, or any other bad habit that leads to lack of control and negative consequences.

If it controls you, then it’s better to just cut it out entirely.

It’s the only way.

So, what’s your bad habit? Do you recognize how you talk to yourself about that habit? Does this conversation end up helping you, or does it almost always lead to a justification and falling back into the bad habit?

And this kind of self talk can have different applications. I even use this type of talk to get myself to continue developing positive habits as well.

For me personally, I don’t play video games. I don’t eat sugar (except during Christmas and holidays because this one I don’t have a real problem with — if it was meat and potatoes I’d be screwed), I read everyday, I floss everyday, and I don’t go to bed until I have planned out my next day.

What about you?