1/25/16 — Ruined Anew

I’ve been rehabbing for a while.
Your addictions; ruined me.

Your love really fucked me up.
Your addictions… became mine.
Then I developed new addictions I’d never had.

Burning bright, we were momentous…
But these moments of magnitude came so few & far between.

It’s funny I couldn’t see; how much time was passing in between:
Days of happiness sprinkled throughout the sorrow.

A fucking drug.

I had convinced myself the euphoric bliss, was worth the struggle of fucking everything else up.
That the chaos was a worthy investment for the payout.
Moments of Olympic elation; flounder about the rest.

Today, I recognize is a new day.

I’m different now.
My shoes might be the same,
but the boy running in them is radically new.
He has laugh lines, tear-weathered scars, and burly roots.

I’m done pandering to shit-dickery.
Done anticipating scars.
Over crying in anger, whispering my opposition, relinquishing desires.

I am different now.
I running in the same race as before.
Heading some-fucking-place important,
with new tools.

So bye now.

Cheers to new beginnings.
Cheers to lessons learned.
Cheers to habits unlearned.
And to scars hard earned.

You ruined me anew,
so thanks for that.
I‘m much stronger now,
As I venture forth… an undying flame, without you.