251 + DATING & RELATIONSHIP REGRETS: A Compelling Interview with Bart Smith
- Mr. Bart Smith, out of 251 dating & relationship regrets you illustrate in your book entitled “REGRETS” which one is the one you have learned the most from and why?
I’d say the #1 regret people have is rushing into having sex too soon or having sex with someone they don’t LOVE. Doing so, can create more regrets than benefits. Regrets, such as, (#1) unwanted pregnancy and being connected to someone you don’t/won’t like FOR LIFE, (#2) HIV/STI’s (from a stranger, maybe) who you hopped into bed with for a quick fling, (#3) awkward feelings when you see the person in the future (clothed) and the two of you never became a couple, or worse, (#4) just the thought that someone spent that kind of precious/special time with you in your sacred birthday suit and now that person (and you) will always be on your mind in that way (i.e., sexually and naked) without anything special to follow or serve your heart. Not good. Also, suppose you rushed into having sex with one or more people for other regretful reasons, such as, (#5) rebound relationship/sex, (#6) sex because you were lonely, (#7) sex because you were desperate for love/attention, or (#8) simply horny? Keep this phrase in mind when the offer of sex is ever presented to you, outside a committed relationship, “a moment’s pleasure can lead to a lifetime of regret.” The crazy thing is, any number of people who you had sex with might hit you up in the future for another fast encounter. Will you available? Will you flattered? Will you be annoyed or embarrassed? Not to mention, pent up sexual frustration can (and should) be used as energy for you to get LIFE done (i.e., work, creativity, physical training, etc.). DON’T GIVE IT AWAY so fast. Take your time. Better to wait to have sex with the one for you who can share every minute in the hay with you in ways that will be remembered for a lifetime. Sexual acts are those we remember forever. Put in the extra effort of “patience” and “selection” so those memories are worth looking back on with joy and a smile. I have another saying, “Either way, you’re going to feel the pain. So, you might as well do what’s RIGHT, whether it’s for you and/or the other person.” Seriously, even if you have to suffer (one way or another) through the night for morning to come when you can go home. Suffer those hours (doing the right thing). Don’t have sex if you don’t want to, feel like it, or you know it’s not in your best interest. Suffer laying their in bed, feeling the fool or you let someone down. Suffer the days/weeks after the opportunity to have sex was presented, you passed and now you have to hear his/her frustration(s) for you not engaging to fill their need. You’ll feel a LIFETIME of assurance and a smile on your face that YOU did the right thing and avoided such regrets.
2. Mr. Bart Smith, what inspired you to write this book on REGRETS?
There were actually a few reasons why (and how) I wrote 251+ Dating, Sex & Relationship Regrets (http://RelationshipRegrets.com). For starters, I was finishing the writing for my #1 relationship book, FIND THE ONE FOR ME (http://FindTheOneForMe.com). It was in that book I thought, “Bart, why not add a few regrets to that book so people can benefit from other people’s negative experiences (regrets) in sex, dating, marriage and relationships?” So, I started writing a few regrets to see how it would flow. Well, those regrets soon turned into 20 pages worth. Yikes! I had to slam the brakes on that quickly and say, “Bart, you need to just put these 80+ regrets in a separate book. You can’t add that many more pages to a 300+ page book.” So, I left 20 of the top regrets people have inside FIND THE ONE FOR ME and added another 231+ regrets in this new book. While I was excited to write another book to add to my collection of relationship books, I also said to myself, “Great, more (book writing) work and time extended out for when I could finish all this writing effort.” BUT, I knew it would pay off and in one week, the Regrets book was done. Since I design my own front/back book covers, I knew it would get done pretty quickly and I could send it to the printer at the same time I sent FIND THE ONE FOR ME. This book (of relationship regrets) is one of all my favorite relationship books (http://RealRelationshipBooks.com) because this one is chock full of life, love and relationship lessons from so many people on every single page. So much to learn in so few pages. WHY NOT learn what others went through so you don’t have to? YIKES! Right? Their lifetime of regret might take you less than a minute to just read over their regret in my book. Now, multiply that by 251+ and your love life should be pretty void of pain, regret, burden (i.e., financially, emotionally, and other) for the rest of your life. Hopefully, right? I’d say so.
3. What couples should do and how long they should date before settling down?
(#1) BOTH individuals who make up this “couple” should read my relationship books, Find The One For Me, Laws Of The Bedroom, 251+ Dating & Relationship Mistakes, Watch Out Ladies and B.S. The Book and discuss their contents. (http://BartSmithBooks.com)
Now, what does this do for them as individuals and as a couple? It informs them, enlightens them, strengthens their knowledge base mentally, emotionally and psychologically, when it comes to how they should behave (and treat) the other person, and respect themselves first, within the relationship and for the life of their relationship.
(#2) They are alerted to what kind of B.S. can come when being in a relationship with someone, and/or what it’s like if you were to break up and what goes into having a successful marriage, and soooooo much more. Do not take what I just said lightly. My books are deeeeeep, quick to read, and to the point on what to do, not do, say, not say, etc.
(#3) Now, when each individual can say to the other person in the relationship, “I agree with a lot of what Bart has to say in his books. Do you?” When the other person agrees, then what happens? You both have the hardest of solid cores to rely on where trust is concerned, treatment towards one another, care, affection, fulfillment, happiness, pleasure/devotion, how you handle arguments, money, having/raising kids, working/being without work for awhile, how you deal with friends/family wanting to meddle in your personal relationship together, and so on. I’d say, after you spent just a month or two going through my material, and both hearts are now truly protected, then you apply my approach to getting married, which is … SCENARIO: Here’s something I totally believe and how I would propose to the woman of my dreams. It’s not going to be a question infused with doubt, such as, “Will you marry me?” Wow, what if she says, “No?” How many times have you heard someone answer, “No,” and the other person was just devastated or embarrassed in front of family, friends and/or strangers? Well, the best way to see if someone is worth marrying is to do the following … (A) Up until the point where you both say, “I do,” spend as much time together as possible. I mean, like, every minute of the day for months/years on end. Do everything together. Then, ask yourselves, “Have you found your BEST FRIEND? Have you found the person you can confide in, lean on, depend on through good times and bad? When money comes up and one or both of you are struggling, does one of you come to each other’s side for support through that storm?” Also, have months or years gone by, unmarried, and you find you do everything together? Then, it’s time to snag this one and take him/her off the market. With so many looking for love out there, dedicated men/women are hot commodities out there. So, where are we on this journey to the alter? We’re close to what I’d say to her about getting married. Now, in another book of mine, I did say, that the greatest way to get someone (mostly men) off the fence and marry her is with the “take away close” which is a selling technique. “Oh, you don’t want this (i.e., me)? No problem. I’ll offer it (me, my time, devotion, etc.) to someone else who values it/me.” Ladies, for example, you’ve shared all those memories and he’s not coming forth to propose? Okay, take a chance on the take away close, “If you don’t marry me, after all the good times we’ve had, I will go find someone who will.” Said with confidence, no tears, just as is. “I want to be married. I want to take this (what we have) and take it to the next level. We can’t do that still dating.” Give him a 30–60–90 day window to act, knowing that on each of those time marks you’re checking in with him and he knows time is ticking DOWN. He has to act or LOSE. Guys hate to lose, especially something we’ve put a lot of time and effort into. We don’t like to work; especially when it comes to building up all those memories with someone new. Ugh, forget it. Another mountain to climb. No thanks. So, consider that if you’re in that situation. OTHERWISE, here’s what I’d recommend to the guys … Guys, let’s say you’ve been with her for a long time. You love her. She loves you. You’ve gone through my books together and you’re on the same page. How do you propose to her? May I suggest, you say this, after perhaps setting up a special occasion for the two of you to be alone, perhaps at some romantic getaway bed and breakfast inn by the lake, river, ocean with a view of something fantastic out the window. You say to her, “How are you feeling this morning?”, as you lie their in bed a few days into your trip (and/or at the end of your stay). She replies, “Amazing, I love being with you. I’ve had such a great time,” as she lies their in your arms, eyes closed, loving life in the moment. You then reply, “You know, I was thinking, I love what we have together. (PAUSE) I don’t want to lose it. (PAUSE) Question,…” (BUILD UP) “What are you doing for the rest of your life?” Let her respond with what she feels in the moment. Then, you say, “Well, I don’t want to lose you or the times we’ve had and those we have yet to have …” At this point, she might not even let you finish your statements as she kisses you all over, and says, “Yes, yes, yes ….” He replies, “Wait, you don’t even know what I’m going to ask you?” The question he then whispers in her ears is, “Want to get married?” It’s directed at her to take him or lose him. Hopefully, her answer, is a soft (or loud), “YES! WHEN?” Alas, the angels sing and they make out and then make plans to get married when the get home to tell everyone. Now, can every proposal be this romantic? Sure, why not? I hope I answered your question, Jose. When people are dating, all they have to do is pour everything they have (from their heart) into the other person, see that it’s reciprocal every step of the way, drink from the cup of my books for relationship knowledge, and then after reading my books (to guard against any form of regret or B.S. to come), I’d say it’s absolutely time to say, “I’ve found the one for me, I’d love to marry you. Want to get married?” Done. Plan (an affordable) wedding, kiss each other and walk off into the sunset of life holding and loving each other ’til the end of time.
A WORD FROM THE AUTHOR
This book is probably one of my favorites, for a lot of reasons. For starters, this book was only going to be a section inside Find The One For Me. Interestingly, that section kept getting longer and longer. How so? I kept finding more regrets people had. Since I didn’t want to add 20 more page to an already 280+ page book, I thought, “Hey, put these regrets in a new book! Yeah! Great idea! NO! Bad idea. Why? I have to work on ANOTHER BOOK!” Actually, it didn’t take long to pull together. The book actually took a week to write and layout for the printer. The cover was very cool to make. I like how it turned out. Don’t you?
Overall, this book stands out from all the rest as one book everyone in the world should read. Whether you’re single or in a relationship. Everyone can benefit from the regrets people have had so they don’t repeat them too. This book simply makes you wisen up or else suffer the consequences. You know what I mean?
Anyhow, preview the book above and just read some of the regrets people have had. First, I know your heart will go out for them, like mine did as I dropped them in the book. Second, your own heart should stop in its tracks and cement in your brain the following statement: “I will not do _____ and experience what he/she went through. I will avoid experiencing (x) regret.” Yep, that should do it alright. Keeping a copy of this book around and rereading it from time to time will help remind you (as it does myself) what we should be watching out for so we don’t regret anything by mistake. For more information, visit: https://bartsmithbooks.com/