Thank Goodness I Said Yes to Being an Au Pair!
I have no desire to be in a romantic relationship. I have no desire to get married. I have no desire to have my own family. And I definitely have no desire to have my own kid.
Perhaps it was because I came from a broken family. Perhaps it was because I still had lots of issues, myself. I didn’t want to add another variable in my life when I was still trying to heal and make sense of my life.
Although I am now on the path of healing, I’m still afraid that I would just project any issues I still have towards my partner and my kid. I’m afraid that I’ll be a source of their pain. Worse, maybe even destroy their own self-worth in the process. It’s because of these fears that I’d rather not entertain the possibility of being with someone and birthing a child.
Quite the irony really that somehow I found myself saying yes to an opportunity to take care of a baby!
It was back in 2013 when I went to the USA to be an au pair.
I was considering saying no, believe me. In fact, I really thought that I sent a letter to my friend telling her that I didn’t feel like I was the right person for the job. I didn’t feel qualified and worthy to take care of another human being — someone who is helpless, innocent, and a very impressionable one at that.
Somehow, my friend didn’t reply to that email. Did she receive it? If yes, did she just choose not to answer it? Or maybe she meant to answer but because of her many duties and responsibilities, she forgot to get back to me?
It’s very curious. But I’d like to believe that it was all part of the magic of the Universe. I can feel it then. I can still feel the affirmation now. I was meant to live with that family and take care of that very precious angel.
Meeting her, taking care of her, and witnessing her growing each and every single day had been an exquisite gift.
She was one of my greatest teachers in life.
She taught me how to love fully and unconditionally. She taught me how to be truly patient. She showed me how to be present and wonderfully excited in life. She showed me a world of discovery and exploration, of play and creativity, of dance and music, of child-like wonder. She showed me how to find joy in simple, and often times, the silliest things. She gave me the gift of acceptance and unconditional love. She gave me the gift of forgiveness.
I was referred to as her second mom, her big sister, her godmother, her friend, her nanny. But I feel that no word can truly encompass the depth of connection I feel towards her. The best I can come up with for now is that she and I are soul-bonded — that our connection transcends blood, time, distance, and space.
To my dearest angel, Abigail, thank you for showing me how to fully be in awe and be grateful for the simplest things in life. Thank you for showing me how to live in the here and now. Thank you for showing me how it is to be authentic and aligned with one’s truest self. Thank you for teaching me what truly matters in life.
Above all, this experience made me realize how important it is to be loving, kind, compassionate, encouraging, patient, and forgiving with myself as I continue to embark on this personal growth journey of mine. For that, I will be forever grateful for saying yes to being an au pair!
I wrote an e-book to share with you my “perfect three” ways of living, what it means for me, and why it is important for me to be living this way:
- Living in Awe and Gratitude
- Living in the Here and Now
- Living in Authenticity and in Alignment
My hope and prayer is that by reading this book, you will also be inspired to have your own golden trifecta for being so happy, at peace, and so in-love with your life and with Life no matter what’s happening right now. May this bring back your child-like spirit just as being an au pair did to me.
Although it is still not my priority, I am now opening myself to the possibility of finding that one person who would accept and love me because of my eccentricities. I consider this a personal win!