An Open Letter to the Man Who Criticized Me on a First Date
Carrie Allie

This is the first time I read you, Carrie Allie, and your words resonate among one of my favorite themes of conversation among close friends. The very regretful behavior on behalf of some of my counterparts in the male gender.

I’ve been fortunate enough to often travel the world, and as a Guatemalan true to his roots I enjoy beverages of the alcoholic type after a certain point in the day. I also enjoy the art of a good conversation, particularly with the feminine gender, although I will speak to the rocks if I have to… Point is, I enjoy the atmosphere of a bar, whatever its demographic may be, because it provides a good study on human behavior (aside from providing a much needed refreshment after a long day of work). In the context of this microcosm its wildly interesting for me to witness men gathering the nerve to approach a woman, or a group of women, in order to exercise that primitive need of ours to conquer and feel like men. It doesn’t matter what continent you’re in, the way to engage in the vast majority of these occasions is a sad, painful and pitiful failure. Why? Is it truly a lack of confidence? The abuse of alcohol in the context of this example? The utter lack of chivalry? Is the gentleman stereotype gone forever?

I refuse to believe so. Yet its not that, its not the chivalry, its not the stereotype of a well mannered sophisticated man what the world needs now (but perhaps it is?). Bringing my example to a bigger picture, take it to an office space, to the coffee shop, take it to every day sober interactions, the reality is just as disappointing. So what are we missing? What’s the big deal? Why was this pitiful example of a man so disrespectful to you?

The more I deepen the very frustrating relationships of a lot of people I know, the incredibly unsatisfied emotional and sexual lives most of my female friends live in contrast to the active need of their men to pursue the need for “hunting” (and sometimes viceversa); the more I understand we still have a long way to go in our basic communications as human beings.

The answer continues to be part of my anthropologic studies, and it might be a pursuit as old as time. But I do believe that if our expectations were a bit more open to begin with, in these sort of dates or interactions, perhaps communication could be better pointed in the direction it could better serve its purpose. If we are to talk about how pivotal television series are to constructing our personality, well, lets start there and lets destroy each other and get it done with. That’s a way of getting to know each other after all, right? Yet if intentions are better stated perhaps that could lead towards avoiding that whole first date to begin with.

Hope it provides for a better conversation. Its been great to read you.

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