A new movie has squeezed its way onto my “Top-Five-All-Time-Favorites” movie list.

“A Walk in the Woods,” starring Robert Redford and Nick Nolte are two aging friends that decide to have one last adventure in life before imprisonment at Green Acres Nursing Home where they will be condemned to sit in the day room with a napkin on their collar as they leak apple sauce.

It’s a “buddy movie”. It’s not a “chick flick”. It’s also not politically correct. The Tammy-twentysomething who is penning her memoir since she thinks she has her pulse on the world’s consciousness, won’t like it. Too many twenty-somethings that draft memoirs are hung-up on being prim and driving the PC crowd.

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The blue-hairs at First Baptist Church of the fridge won’t like it either. They think that everybody should be warbling “I’ll Fly Away” before they plunge in for a Pontifical address that everyone wishes would finish so the Baptists can beat the Methodists to the S&S Cafeteria out at the mall.

But I like it. I suppose that everyone — men and women — who have lived, laughed, loved and cried, will like it. My 94-year old mother in a retirement village in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia viewed it and laughed so hard she peed her pants. Not much of a reference, though. Most 90-somethings pee their pants often.

Some of the best movie lines ever written are in the film:

Katz: “I spent half of my life chasing pussy and getting drunk.”
Bryson: “What about the other half?”
Katz: “Oh. I wasted that.”

The lines may not be up there with “To be, or not to be,” but then I don’t recollect a Shakespeare performance ever being adapted into a blockbuster movie either.

The Panty-ologist

In one scene, Nolte/Katz is relaxing in a laundromat. A large — 300 pound — woman comes in and unloads her clothes into a machine. Later, when she tries to remove them, her panties get entangled in the wringer and are shredded. Katz offers to help as he is a “certified panty-ologist” — an authority in removing panties.

A conversation starts between the two, Katz is smitten and later goes to the local K-Mart to find his new crush a pair of drawers.

Beulah’s husband finds out — don’t ask how, it’s a movie, not a documentary — and decides he’s going to kill Katz. Both Katz and Bryson make a swift retreat out the rear window of their motel rooms.

The next scene shows the two anti-heroes back on the Appalachian Trail where Katz is filling Bryson in on the circumstances.

The scene ends with these lines:

Bryson: “So what did you learn, Katz?”
Katz: “Never buy panties for a woman named Beulah.”