Innocent Enemies — Friends, Family, and Others Who Don’t “Get It”

I was told once, five or six years into my career that I “couldn’t write.”

A few years later, about seven or eight years in, after reaching hundreds of thousands with my words, I had one friend try to convince me that I should go into banking and that I’d never “be successful” as a communicator.

Today, 12 to 13 years in, I scanned a few reports that showed reach numbers in the millions, hundreds of thousands of actions, and a slew of new customers/adopters for a few clients.

It’s obvious. They were wrong, their views were the enemy of what feels like my destiny, and if I’d listen, there’s a good chance I wouldn’t be as happy as I am today or even writing this post.

When Loving Me is Wrong

I dated someone once that I was seriously fond of. We were a “perfect match.” They were practical and allegedly centered. I ambitious and often viewed as the nomad. Our compromises, while tough, usually yielded great things according to our time together and most who knew us.

At some point things went really wrong. Wrong in the way that causes war. Ultimately, we lost the relationship because their practicality and my drive and ambition got into a fight no one could win.

At the close of the relationship I had a hard time figuring out how someone who could love the social entrepreneur that I am could hate my ambition. The answer was simple, “love” doesn’t mean someone gets it.

Almost daily I hear, “I don’t know how you do it.” I hear it from friends, family, colleagues, and sometimes, I even say it to myself.

All of these love me on some level. All of these people want me to be well on some level. All of these people, me included, have had moments were their reservations have been the enemy of some of my greatest accomplishments. We all wanted me to be great, but at times, only I have been comfortable with the price.

You Learn Confidants Are Few

Last night I sat with a co-founder friend and chatted a little about my own “awakening” about my talents as a writer/wordsmith. I admitted that it took a few huge, accidental professional successes to convince me that I have something to offer in the space of message, moving people, and creating meaningful connections between companies, customers, and employees.

As we dug deep into the professional challenges we’re facing and exchanged perspectives, I realized that he “gets it.” That “getting it” made me feel like I have someone who is “for me” professionally and not at war with my ambition. While I wish I had more “hims” in my world, I realized why I don’t.

Winning with “the Enemy”

There are a few mantras that say “you are what you attract” in different ways. My take (or version) is that the people in your life are a reflection of you. As I’ve grown personally and professionally, I have attracted more confidants that “get it.” The enemy I used to see, recruit, and create in partners, friends, and family were all a product of my own view on my world and talent.

The fact is, when I started to get it, people started to get it.

Mom and a few close friends will tell you, I’ve always been this guy. I’ve been writing creatively since age 9. I’ve been finding ways to take care of people and organize events since age 6. I didn’t really get that those core components offered something great to the world until almost age 26. When I did, I started to win.

Around that time, I scored the awesome opportunity at Trulia (where the wins were so big we couldn’t ignore them). A few years later, I would link up with the Fatherhood.gov team and create some of the most personal and useful content I’d written in life. Now, I’m winning while I #crushstudentloans heading up the messaging, marketing, and PR for Student Loan Genius.

I’m doing this and “the enemy” is still there. So what is this enemy? It’s the view I led off with.

When I grew up, my mom said repeatedly “Success is being at peace with yourself and God about the decisions you make.” She stressed that there was something in my core makeup that was valuable and right.

“The enemy” is the mindset that your core value and inspiration are wrong. That mindset is wrong, and to be honest, I am not sure it ever completely goes away.

For me, I think my friends, family, and colleagues will always think I’m a bit crazy. I think the opposite, that I’m sane. We’ll always be at war a little, but to be honest, they’ve put me up in their basements, helped me get through school (a time or two), and even when we disagreed about me taking a job or client, they always get behind my belief that “I can win.” And to be honest, I couldn’t do it with out them.

In fact, I need them. My “innocent enemies” are some of my greatest supporters. Answering their questions has forced me to answer mine. My fights with them, helped me win the fights I’ve had and have with myself. And, what I realized while writing this, was that some of my naysayers have helped me the most.

So, to them, the enemies, I say thanks.