A Visual Tale of Process Communication Model — Part 2 of 3
This is the story of Process Communication Model. For this part, we get on the dark side of Bob.
Bob in a good mood is OK-Bob.
We saw connect him with Tami, his client.
We saw him stay tuned to Julie, his boss.
When Bob is OK-Bob, communication is clear.
Today, Julie walks over to his desk to talk to him.
It’s not clear to me what Julie is getting at, thinks OK-Bob.
OK-Bob puts on OK-if Bob unawares.
“OK-if Bob” is defense that’s worked for him before.
OK-if Bob appears!
Watch him clarify what Julie meant.
OK-if Bob is finding all the words he can use to explain his confusion with as much precision as possible, LIKE THIS SENTENCE THAT GOES ON AND ON because we are OK — if we are perfect for you.
That’s a lot of words.
OK-Bob keeps it simple.
He’ll say: Julie, tell me what to do.
But that didn’t happen.
And Julie was given a word dump by OK-if Bob.
Let’s imagine a world where Julie understands Bob.
Julie understands how to invite OK-Bob back again.
This is what Julie says:
Julie was clear. Bob was clear. Message received.
In the perfect world.
Imperfect and wobbly
In the imperfect world, the story is different.
Did Julie start the conversation OK?
No. She started it with OK-if Julie.
It was not OK-Julie.
Her message was not clear. It was wobbly.
“Bob, when you have a client going cold, you get a bad feeling.”
When Bob got a wobbly message, he sent a long one back.
Now we have Bob and Julie OK-ifs in wobbly conversation.
Up to this point, no one is emotional or angry.
But this is the first sign of distress.
Let’s ask Bob and Julie: are you in distress?
They don’t think they are in distress.
They don’t feel distressed.
It’ll take Bob or Julie to adapt to the other to resolve this miscommunication.
Otherwise, this miscommunication escalates.
And it escalates in a predictable way.
Bob and Julie will replace OK-ifs they put on, for another thing.
The thing is plus-minus. +. — .
What does plus-minus mean?
It looks like this:
Plus means “I’m OK”.
Minus means “You’re not OK”.
And the angry scribble?
It means: “Expecting me to think clearly is a waste of time right now — I’m also showing you that I need something else from you.”
Cooling off
Phew, we need a break from that scene.
Time for a retro.
Ever tried to talk someone out of an emotional moment?
It’s tough to get through to them.
We wait until they cool off before we start again.
Cool off takes a few seconds, a few minutes, days, weeks, years, a life time.
The same distress sequence might happen again.
Start with a wobbly message, exchange wobblies, get emotional, cool down.
Repeat.
“Oh, their personalities clashed. There’s not much we can do.”
But there is.
And this is the “we can do” bit.
What? Wobblies?
Yes. Spot wobblies.
Bob and Julie were in distress before they felt distress.
All we had were their words.
But it was enough to tell their distress in the wobbly messages.
Wobblies are clues in their verbal and non-verbal cues.
There are five cues that someone sends at any time.
It takes 3 cues to send a clear message, but it takes 1 to send a wobbly message.
Also, remember colours from Part 1?
Each colour has a set of wobblies particular to them.
Like in Bob’s team meeting with his colleagues: Ross, Rachel, Monica, Joey, and Chandler:
It’s like a scene from The Office — mediocre characters, with an award-winning script of wobblies.
All we have are verbal cues in writing.
But it’s enough to discern the distress that’s going to happen.
Drivers
Enough with “wobblies” now.
The correct term for wobblies is Drivers.
We love that description.
Imagine the last scene from Thelma and Louise: a car driving off a cliff.
That’s the image of Drivers.
Once Drivers get going, the next predictable landing is “getting emotional”.
Each colour also has a set of “getting emotional” cues.
“Getting emotional” means getting angry.
One way for anger to go is outwards, like attacking and blaming.
And they sound like this:
These two are plus — minus. I’m OK, you’re not OK.
One insults your intelligence, the other your values.
One blames you for “making” them feel this way, and the other “makes” you feel thiiiiiis small.
The other way for anger to go is inwards.
It comes out as sadness.
It also comes out as withdrawing.
Turning anger inwards is minus — plus. You’re OK, I’m not OK.
One becomes “annoying” and “needy”, and the other mentally and physically disappears.
The tale of Process Communication Model doesn’t end here.
It’s not a gothic story — things start to look up after the next three dots.
Back to Bob and Julie.
Drivers are data. It’s what goes into our mind’s computer.
Once you’ve collected evidence, hold it up to the colours.
What colours show up in their Drivers?
Did you find a match?
Alright! 🙌 You’ve got their colours down!
Bob shows blue Drivers, and Julie shows red.
These colours are like the algorithm.
They show you strategies to address Drivers and avoid escalation.
Fantasy 1
Let’s say Julie got trained to spot Drivers.
Her analysis of Bob’s response was:
Bob overdetails → Bob is showing blue Drivers → Start a positive thread with Bob.
She also learnt how to speak ‘blue’ to Bob:
Bob values logic, and facts → He prefers to ask and state information → ask Bob a question for information.
She offers an invitation made for Bob:
Bob is back to himself again, OK-Bob!
Fantasy 2
Julie was a great manager there.
But we don’t all have bosses like Julie at work.
Let’s say Bob gets trained to spot Drivers.
What colour Driver does Julie show?
Bob’s analysis goes: she projected her pressure on me → she’s showing red Drivers → Start a positive thread with her.
Bob’s response goes: Julie gets action → She prefers firm imperatives and a challenge → Give Julie directions to show something.
Bob offers an invitation in ‘red’ to Julie.
Julie gets energised.
Bob learns something.
Now, Bob has to do it, too.
And all’s well that ends well… right?
The Golden Key
Are you ready?
There is no golden key!
The closest to a key we have is our choices.
Drivers present us with awareness.
When we’re aware of Drivers, we becomes conscious of how we choose to respond.
And that’s another story for another part.
Tune in to the last part of A Visual Tale of Process Communication Model!
ICYMI, A Visual Tale of Process Communication Model — Part 1 of 3
Head back to our Pinboard of other tales of PCM.
This story is brought to you by The School of Unlearning. We take the best of visuals, creative problem solving, and group dynamic tools and put them to work in our training. We are certified to train people to use Process Communication Model. Please get in touch if you want to know more.