“Brickitup”, “GayAbandon”, “TakeTwo”, “SunForUs”, “SomethingFishy” “RichandYummy” …. Hmmm they could be the latest brands of chocolate bars or not! You guessed … Not! They’re pseudonyms on dating sites. Why do men think that these names could be the magnetism to reel in the most delectable of “shoppers”, the brightest pencils in the box, the most colourful wrapper of the object of their dreams? I always thought that men’s imagination was rather basic and unspecific. How wrong could I be! Read some of the profiles lying wastefully in the ether of social media and you will wonder whether we need to give mothers more training, teachers more insight and friends more liberty to talk about what creates a good friend, what fosters a healthy relationship, what priorities there need to be before that friendship, that relationship metamorphoses into an inextricable bond. I can hear you muttering that I haven’t mentioned the fatal attraction, that subtle, unspoken, unwritten, unexpected spark even though she’s fat, even though he’s bald. You’re right. I’ve kept that apart because that’s a given. I don’t know why; you don’t know why and not even the psycho specialists know why or what it is that ignites the flame of romance. It’s indispensable; it’s exciting and, sadly, it is unprescribable. Just when your friends thought you’d have nothing in common with your blind date, an inveterate nerd, they are shocked to hear that the electricity was palpable.
So, happy hunting men, when you say in your profile you’d like a pretty lady of slim build with short legs, unflabby arms, small breasts and blond hair, are you referring to a book you’ve read, a page 3 girl in The Sun, a porn TV star, a figment of your imagination or are you simply delusional? I know you think you’re deserving because you are highly educated, have a country estate, own a boat moored on the Riviera, cycle up and down mountains regularly and ski with the dexterity of a champ …. really??? In that case, I suppose you’re worth it! BUT what you really meant to say is you have a first tier diploma in administration, live outside London in a cottage overlooking Brown Fields, you occasionally go rowing in Regent’s Park, you sometimes borrow a Boris Bike and from time to time ski down an indoor slope in Glasgow. Dream on!
Why is it so difficult to tell the truth in cyber space? Why is it so easy to bullshit your blurb certain you’ll be believed and us desperate damsels will fall for your hyperbole hook, line and sinker? Because we do. We want to believe that this is the Special One with all the boxes ticked, that this is the last time we’ll ever sign up for that dreaded dating site again, that we’ve finally got lucky!
I know because I’ve been there, done that and have the T-shirts to prove it!