Ahhhh! I’m 33 🎉
This birthday has so much meaning for me. I wanted to be really intentional with how I planned to honor it. I wrote this in the final hour — i.e., about 3 hours ago….but I do consider this the first gift to myself. I’m honoring my need to to just flow with my thoughts to share why today is so important to me.
✨ 3, 3, 3 ✨
3 has been my favorite number for a long as I can remember.
- Maybe it’s because I was born in the 3rd month of the year?
- Or maybe, it’s because my name has 3 letters?
- Or perhaps, as a Christian, I’ve always seen the trinity as a holy thing?
I couldn’t tell you. But for whatever the reason, I’ve always been drawn to “three.” I used the number as my jersey number whenever I could growing up. And I always think about things in categories or groups of 3. I even tend to write or communicate with a healthy of rhythm of 3's.
So my 3rd year, in my 3rd decade is a pretty big deal to me. Last year I had decided I was going to try and really celebrate this one and get clear on what I wanted this #JesusYear to become. I committed to:
- Doing a 3 week Daniel Fast leading up to my actual birthday, to get spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically aligned for the year.
- And actually plan a celebration.
Usually planning and setting intentions for these type things is easy for me. But I’ll be honest that I kind of struggled with it. While what’s currently happening now is not necessarily how I imagined it, I also believe it’s how things were supposed to happen.
🎉 Birthdays
Prior to the pandemic, birthdays were always a thing for me. In college I was notorious for helping to throw a good surprise birthday celebration and baking unique cakes for people. And of course, I’ve always I loved celebrating my own.
But 2020 changed things in a very deep way, in how I thought about celebrating the day.
For my 29th birthday celebration, it was supposed to be a combo birthday + formal launch party for my company (Hostowambe). But the date fell during the 2nd week of lockdown in the pandemic and ended up getting canceled.
By my 30th we still didn’t have vaccines, so I did a very small, socially distanced intimate picnic in the park. I also did a series of photoshoots and posts under what I named as #JoysLoveLetterto30 to welcome in the new decade, and show people a deeper side of myself.
For my 31st, I took myself to a Black-owned spa in Brooklyn for the day, did drinks with a friend and, and then went out for a nice, solo steak dinner. I really spent most of the actual day alone.
And then for 32nd, I did a joint birthday house party with a close friend, which was amazing. It felt like I was finally getting to do a “big” birthday thing again.
So coming up on #33, I was really excited to celebrate it in a way that felt “Joy,” and that would bring me a lot of joy. I had this loose dream of doing a series of 3 things to commemorate the day —
- Something for myself — launching my personal website, doing a solo trip, or a staycation
- Something with my people— doing a group cooking class, cocktail making class, or going out salsa dancing something of a group social with closer friends
- Something with my broader community— inviting my friends to church, or just inviting people over into my space, and the place I’ve currently made home
….but as of a week ago, I had planned and made very little progress with any of that. And transparently, I ended up having a bit of breakdown about it during my call with my therapist. I realized that I had been so busy giving so much of myself and my energy to other people, that I was continually compromising on the time I “said” I was going to make plan for this. And I didn’t properly protect the time that I really needed to be able to prioritize what I actually wanted to honor this very special day. And I was disappointed that I didn’t and couldn’t happen make it happen. I was also frustrated that I was feeling so emotionally and physically drained in a way that was opposite of the type of #Abundance that I claimed for myself this year.
So. After a quick — but good — cry, and some serious prayer about what I needed to be doing moving forward, I decided none of those feelings was my portion for #33. And I’m so grateful I was doing my Daniel Fast in this period, because I can honestly say I heard loud and clear what this year needs to be for me.
🙏🏾 3 Weeks to 33: My Daniel Fast
For those who aren’t familiar with a Daniel Fast, it’s a 21-day fast that people do as an act of worship and sacrifice to God (read more specifics here). The very short of it is that it consists of following a diet where only whole foods are allowed. So…basically a vegan, gluten-free, dairy-free, and sugar-free diet. Oh, and nothing with yeast, fermented, or deep-fried. And nothing but water and tea. It is a struggle.
I’ve personally done it 3 or 4 times before, and every time I’ve done it has been very fulfilling. I’ve gotten clear direction for a major change that was happening or was going to happen, and it was a good personal rest. Usually when I do the fast, I try to replace my cravings with intentional times of prayer.
So given that the last time I did it was about 6 years ago…it had been a minute. But how I could I go into my #JesusYear, without actually making sure me and God were in a good place?!
I’m proud to say that I made it once again. And I’m peace with some of the direction that surfaced in the process.
I’m going to keep this part short, because most of it is between and God and I, and I believe people will see and experience some of those changes this year. But in short:
Physically — my body is a temple, and I need a better job of protecting and nourishing it. That means working on some of my daily habits (upkeep, exercise, what I eat), being disciplined my physical interactions with other people, and better working to manage some of the conditions that are now a part of me.
Mentally — I can accept that I have a lot of quirks, and that sometimes the way my brain is setup…I just might think in a very different way from the people who are in front me. But I have to continue to be ok with that, and not try try to mirror what I see, or mask the way I naturally operate, and adapt in ways that just aren’t healthy for me.
Emotionally & Spiritually — I need to give my energy emotionally and spiritually only to relationships that can bring me peace. Both with God, but also with people I consider myself to be in community with. And just because a relationship was one way for many days, months, or years, if it’s no longer bringing peace and there’s not a willingness to adjust or update the relationship for where it is today, then I need to make peace with letting it go. Because when I’m truly at peace with God and with my community, that’s when people get my realest, biggest, and most authentic level of joy. Like, to the point that it’s contagious — for me and everyone around me, and it overflows.
I got what I needed from this.
🎉3 Things I Desire for 33
As I “march forth”, into March 4th, in my year of 2020 More (…y’all see what I did there? lol) these are my wishes for the year.
- 💛 I want to continue to protect my joy — Call it selfish, call it boundaries, call it whatever nomenclature is appropriate at the time. But last year I reclaimed Joy and joy for myself, so this year I’m going to protect that so I can sustain it for the long term. And my birthday wish and prayer is to have peace in the situations where I need to be more firm with that.
- 💓I want to love deeply — I want to love in few different ways. I want to love and be in love with a partner. I’m prioritizing finding love that was created just for me. I also want to continue being spaces and prioritizing people that I love. Andddddd I want to continue to do work that I love.
- 🤎I want to be seen — I really want to be seen for who I actually am. In my intentions and impact; my dreams; and what I’ve done, can do, and some of the things I dream to do next. Not in the ways people may believe or think that I am, but truly taking the time to understand me now and however I change in the future. I I really just want to feel seen. And to feel safe enough to really let people in.
That’s it. Getting those would be the greatest gifts for the year 🎁
🍾The Celebration
I know….so what am I actually doing to celebrate the day?!
WELL —
- Over the weekend, a close friend surprised me with tickets for us to see Burna Boy in concert. The set, the experience, all of it was amaaaazing!
- By the time this posts at 12:01 am, I will happily be biting into a mini-burger that I have saved in the fridge!
- I will formally “break” my fast and have a last-minute family style dinner with close friends in the area.
- Then I’m going home for a few days to help out family and celebrate my mom’s birthday.
- I’ll head to Mexico for a few days for a bachelorette.
- I’m going to try and do a casual friend meetup.
- Andddd finally I’m going to finalize the content for my personal website over the next few month.
A lot of different things — but I’m so excited for all of it. YAYYYYYYY it’s a me kind of 33!
🎈🎉🥂For real, Happy birthday to meeeeeeee! 🥂🎉🎈
💫 Bonus: The path to 34
P.s. Maybe God’s plan was for #33 was meant to look slightly different, so I could plan for turning #34 on 3/4 next year? Because as much as I love 3…my angel number has always been 4 so I’m going to keep an eye out…stay tuned.
