Mental health has never been harder to hang on to– we have radically had to transition to a new reality we don’t like. We’re still struggling with a deadly pandemic, and the short-term thinking of generations is now showing us deadly results of droughts, fires, floods, toxic and plastic pollution.
There are ways we can cope on our own, but it does help to talk out our troubles and fears before we become hopeless. In Japan, there is a non-profit called the Tokyo English Lifeline which offers a free sympathetic ear to international residents.
On a 9/10 episode, to commemorate World Suicide Prevention Day, podcasters Bobby Judo and Ollie Horn talked with Selena Hoy about the work of the non-profit counseling organization TELL.
It was the first I had heard about #SuicidePreventionMonth and the TELL annual fundraising event to challenge people to take 21,081 steps in one day to honor the 21,081 people who lost their lives to suicide in 2020 in Japan.
On the morning of September 11th, I laced up my walking shoes and headed out to explore Hiroshima, my home since 1996. I didn’t know how long or even how far the 21,081 steps would take me, but I wanted to honor those who lost their lives. I wanted to take the time to think about life’s highs and lows while being mindful of what I saw and did along the way.
My aim was to share more than my success or failure at completing the steps, I wanted to engage with others and share insights that come from an honest, personal journey. Finding a balance where I can feel content is hard, but this walk helped me to realize that so many things around me have a deeper meaning and connect me to my journey. I didn’t just want to just go through the motions– I wanted to seek out things with significance.
Some of the topics that consumed me along the way were Macro: world peace, climate change and Japanese traditions. But there were also Micro personal stories like when I walked past my kids’ old daycare. The friendly hero, who often helps others through self-sacrifice by giving a part of his own head. Every kid loves Ampanman, and in fact it was my son’s first word.
Living in Hiroshima as an American always often seems significant, and on the anniversary of 9/11 there’s even more to consider. The global challenge of world peace and conflict negotiation often makes a personal and tangible connection here. This bridge at 3,401 steps was a lifeline to survivors of the A-bomb attack who made their way back to their homes and loved ones. One Hibakusha survivor said she repressed memories of trying to help people in this area as a child. She gave people water to help them as they begged for it, but they died soon after and she blamed herself. For 30 years she never spoke of it, because she thought she had killed them.
When I see this bridge, I want to travel back in time to hug that kind child and tell her she is a hero who did so much good comforting people in their last moments.
Down the road a ways, I saw my favorite Astram monorail station– such a cool, modern artistic design for public transportation worth promoting. It brings up images of mythical sea creatures, space capsules and futuristic structures. The sky-light windows create magical sundial-like slow moving spotlights inside the building.
Continuing along the street walking over and under roads, I arrived at one of Hiroshima’s traditional top attractions– Carp Castle. I did a livestream video chat from here talking about the StepUp2021 challenge, seeing the carp fish in the moat, and the beauty of the trees — especially in Autumn and Spring.
Walking past the shuttered tourist boat stalls and many eateries closed up during the current state of emergency makes me wonder if they have had to close up for good. These are tough economic times for many people which often leads to hopelessness and suicide. With each step I consider ways our society could better support people who consider ending their lives because of a lack of money to pay the bills or buy food.
My thoughts expand to bigger issues of world peace, conflict negotiation and the importance of international cooperation and diplomacy as I walk through peace park and do a livestream to engage with others at the A-bomb dome.
After the peace park, I notice the red-bonneted Jizo statues. Locals say the red bibs and bonnets attract and comfort lost souls. Their childlike costume is said to put frightened, lost souls at ease so they can show them to the afterlife. Whether you believe it or not, it’s a beautiful idea of afterlife support that helps soothe the grief of people who lose someone they loved.
It’s not far away from these statues that we were blessed with a healthy baby girl just over a year after the agony of losing our twin boys. Finding ways to let go of a horrible loss and find a new path, is so difficult– but there is comfort is knowing you are not alone, and there are people trying to help.
The journey was emotional and mentally tough, but doing the work also felt important as these memories and thoughts are often pushed down for better efficiency and production in the day to day. I was lucky to find that one of my favorite eateries was open and willing to bend the rules to offer me a beautifully colorful, tasty and healthy vegan meal before the official lunch-time. I had just crossed the half-way point of my long journey and needed the rest and fuel.
Finding things to appreciate on my way back took more mental effort as my legs felt heavier with each step. Walking alone without the distraction of conversation, music or a podcast allowed me to take in what I saw and connect it to memories of the past, as well as visions of the future. Being alone on this journey helped me appreciate those who support me in my life in person and in my online social networks.
We have many examples of when too much isolation is damaging for mental and emotional health. As I walk along, I remember my uncle as a happy drunk, and the life of the party at family gatherings– but he lost his life to suicide. He had isolated himself and pushed everyone out of his life to take on his problems alone, but that became overwhelming. It was twenty years ago around the same time as 9–11, I wonder how others coped with hopelessness in America that same month.
A tried and true way for me to move forward has always been to reconnect to nature. I found a beautiful moss covered tree in the forest at 17,445 steps that inspired me to keep going. Much of my walk was unnecessarily covered in concrete, so finding dirt and nature to connect with was a welcome change.
So many mistakes have been made by trying to control nature, but to see how beautiful and creative nature is when left alone to find balance and grow in relation to its surroundings is just stunning.
On the other side of the river, I revisited one of my favorite temples, Anraku-ji whose structure as well as tree survived the atomic blast from 2km away. I’m grateful that the staff allowed one of the Gingko tree branches to grow right through the ornate carved wooden temple gate, instead of cutting it. I’ve never met any of the staff here personally, but I know we share a mutual love of trees when I look at this.
I finish my journey at the rice paddies where I think of all the beautiful aspects of Japanese heritage, landscape, culture, traditions, events, drinks and food connected to this crop.
Although Japan’s overall food self-sufficiency is only at 34%, if you consider that the staple crop of rice is at 98% and vegetables is at 76%- there is hope for a society the provides enough food for its residents. It’s wonderful to live in a community that grows most of the foods that sustain a healthy lifestyle.
Taking more than 21,081 steps in a single day wasn’t easy, and I hope fewer steps are required in next year’s challenge– it should be 0! I feel lucky to be healthy enough to devote a day to walking over 14 kilometers, and thanks to the support of others, mentally and emotionally strong enough to work through some painful memories along the way.
I had some interesting conversations about the reason for my journey, when they asked, even though it was awkward I tried to be honest. Actually, asking for a meal without meat, or a product without plastic is my normal day-to-day life filled with awkward conversations. I’ve learned to ask without pressure and accept the response even if it’s not what I hope for. At least talking about loss and mental health is something anyone, anywhere can relate to.
My overall takeaway from this experience is to not shy away from thinking through the hard stuff in life, but also be kind to yourself and lend a sympathetic ear of support to others whenever you can!
See the Twitter Thread for this StepUp Challenge Journey, or Listen to the Audio Read Podcast Version of this Story here on InboundAmbassador
