Thin line between Acceptance and Irresponsibility
Before you read my view in the blog, let me emphasize that I have always been an advocate of freedom of choice. I still am. 100%. Period. But in the process, I have come to realise the importance of certain institutions (such as marriage and commitment to partner) in the society, which prevent chaos in society. Following those or not is upto the individual, but it’s very important that we respect their place in our society.
Now coming to main subject, it’s very important that, whatever the situation is, accepting is very important. Poor health, financial crisis, damaged relationships, professional setback — whatever is the situation, absolute acceptance is important for us to learn from them and start fresh. But in disguise of accepting - many times we tend to get blind (and arrogant).
Accepting ill-health doesn’t mean criticising the concept of good health (many people with unhealthy lifestyle do this!).
Accepting poverty doesn’t mean despising wealth (many people with misguided understanding of communism do this!).
Accepting defeat in elections doesn’t mean criticising the process of democracy (many political leaders do this when they are not sure of winning !)
In the same way , accepting divorce doesn’t mean you try to put down the concept of marriage. Yes I am not married yet, but I think successful marriage, like every other relationship, demands patience, humility, understanding, integrity and involvement. If one can’t do the job - then it’s okay - but it doesn’t mean marriage itself is wrong !

Please do watch this video as a case study for what I am trying to say. Vishen Lakhiani, co-founder of Mindvalley, whom I respect for his wisdom about various things, talks but crap (by dismissing the concept of marriage) to justify his divorce. One reason why I chose this as case study is, Vishen has not only taken this as personal choice but is popularizing the concept. I even saw that a masterclass has been made on this topic !
Let me tell you more clearly why I find it to be crap. Firstly, the concept of Conscious Uncoupling is actually good— in the sense that we need to conduct every aspect of life consciously in the most sensible way. It seems that many people who decide to get seperated, for whatever reasons, are unable to do it joyfully and are undergoing stress and depression. So such people might need help. But the issue I want to highlight is, Vishen is disrespecting marriage, and by what I understand is by the influence of Katherine Woodward Thomas. Look at his words :
“What if common society is wrong ? What if we have been seduced into a completely outdated model of viewing relationships ? … So as Katherine asks “If marriage is so beautiful, why does 50% of marriages end in divorce?””
In a Facebook post, about the criticism towards his view, he said :
“ And I noticed a strong cultural correlation with the people who were triggered by the post. The people triggered were almost all from more traditional or conservative cultures like American Evengelicals, the Middle East or India. Especially India! ….. But ultimately, ALL these rules were setup by people no smarter than you from a long obsolete era. As one cheeky Twitter post said “Traditions are peer pressure from dead people”.”
Before labelling India as a conservative culture and coming to a conclusion that the people who setup such institutions as not-so-smart, I want everyone to consider the fact that Indian civilization stood the test of time and could preserve its rich culture of thousands of years that has always inspired intellectuals all over the world, inspite of centuries of invasions, natural disasters and foreign oppression. This is because of the tremendous insight and wisdom of the great ones who laid foundation for this fantastic culture. Learning from such deep wisdom is an individual choice, but let us not disrespect it.

Let me end this blog with a beautiful conversation between Stephen Covey and his friend. A friend asks Mr.Covey for some advice about his marriage :
"My wife and I just don’t have the same feelings for each other we used to have. I guess I just don’t love her anymore and she doesn’t love me. What can I do?"
"The feeling isn’t there anymore?" I asked.
"That’s right," he reaffirmed. "And we have three children we’re really concerned about. What do you suggest?"
"Love her," I replied.
"I told you, the feeling just isn’t there anymore."
"Love her."
"You don’t understand. the feeling of love just isn’t there."
"Then love her. If the feeling isn’t there, that’s a good reason to love her."
"But how do you love when you don’t love?"
"My friend , love is a verb. Love - the feeling - is a fruit of love, the verb. So love her. Serve her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?”— from Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People, by Stephen Covey
-Vedavyas
Vedavyas is a Life Coach and Holistic Peak-Performance Trainer. He gives trainings related to Human Growth & Transformation, in the form of workshops and one-to-one coaching, which include NLP, psychology, performance enhancement, yogic science, emotional healing and many more. For further details, you can contact him via mail : JoyOfGrowth.WhiteLotus@gmail.com