I’m just drunk again 🎶
There’s a friend of mine that is brilliant, a truly amazing guy. Very clever and shares a lot of views of the world with me. We love talking about the same topics since our views are so similar. He astonishes me with his knowledge and power of deduction, seeing things where no one else would. Our conversations always enrich me. What is really funny in this history is that our lifestyles couldn’t be more far apart. He’s an adventurer. He can write very well about almost every topic. He’s outgoing, has tons of friends, has a great planned career. As for me, I tend to settle down on every situation. I dislike my writing skills most of the time (that’s part of the reason I seldom write in my mother tongue) and I also talk about very few topics. I’m considerably shy and find it difficult to make friends.
Very well. This friend of mine drinks. A lot. I’m not judging - after all, I’m very fond of my own addictions - nor trying to teach a lesson on behavior here. The point is: from time to time he writes texts to me whilst completely drunk (and I’m often shocked by his annoyingly perfect grammar). I love to receive these texts which are often scattered along 97 small pieces. I sometimes get the whole meaning, in other times it’s a little complicated. In spite of his drunk texting, his words are always true (and God knows how truth moves me). I breath, get ready to enter his mind and read. There are often things I would have preferred not to have read at all. There are often surprising facts. At all times I’m surprised by the rawness of his words. I can almost feel the pen (or keyboard) being marked on my bare skin. There’s a feeling inside those words and this said feeling always reaches my own. I feel his anger, love, passion, frustration… everything reflects on my own feelings.
Although I really love these kinds of virtual letters, I don’t drink. Alcohol makes me feel ill. I can count how many times I got drunk throughout my entire life. Taking this into consideration, you should not be surprised if I tell you I’m never drunk, right? But that’s not true. I leave my sober state way too easy nowadays. I drink on my own feelings. I’m writing all this because I’m drunk on my own frustration right now. The words are just leaving my chest, I don’t know where or how to put them, they’re just leaving me. I often get drunk on my own anger. I write huge texts, hurt people I love. I sometimes regret it, other times I do not. Whenever I get too happy or excited, I write. The same goes for when I’m sad and disappointed. All these feelings give me an overdose I can’t get ride of. They’re always here. I wish I could get drunk on alcohol, say a few things and get away with it but I can’t. I’m always conscious about my words and their consequences to others. It’s a part of me.
Everybody that experiences life with feelings as intense as my own: don’t be ashamed to feel. Don’t feel bad because people won’t understand that you are moved by your heart. Do whatever the hell you want, say whatever the hell you want and you may feel a little better. Well, I know I’m feeling.