it’s nothing much, really. to feel everything and nothing at the same time. to drown and breathe with every passing day, wishing everything would end, finally in my favor. i wonder how you’re doing since i last saw you. how have you been? are you happy? are you in love? i hope he asks how your day is going. i hope he never fails to text when you ultimately engulf the burden you often muse whenever a toxic shift consumes you or how you simply nudge at the idea of a chill night listening to an old playlist when you’re finally free from work. i hope he loves you truly and dearly. i hope you love him too. you see, i am not one of those who gets to prime bitterness or anger or grudge. i am not one of those who sees heartbreak as some kind of a dystopian imagery, where everything falters and ends drastically. i am depressed, and a little soggy, and a little dysfunctional but there is still a lingering hope somewhere in me. i have always been kind and enduring and loving that perhaps people find them disturbing or maybe too overwhelming. whatever their reasons are, there is nothing much i can do about it, is there?
why did you stop, though? why did it seem like it was very simple for you to come and go like nothing happened, unconcerned to the fact that there was one pained soul aching in the process? was it me? was it my unintentional assumption to things which made you leave? any reason about that now is no longer my concern, as a matter of fact. i don’t hate you. i never hated you. although you left without goodbye and without giving me a single hint of what we had, or what we could have been, i truly wanted you to know that i have never received anything as close to closure as i can get. but of course, at this final moment everything has been forgiven, at this final hour everything is alright, nonetheless. whatever you do, wherever you go, a piece of me will always stay with you and with the people that have come and gone. always.