(F)ace Painting May Be My New Hobby

My BFF and I were voluntold to do face painting at my church’s Autism Acceptance Carnival. Since it was for church and I wanted those extra Jesus-points, I said, “Yes, ma’am!” (Aside from the fact that the one in charge of the event was my wife, an autism specialist, so resistance was futile). As my usual science self, I decided I should research how to face paint a little bit the night before the carnival. I mean, how how could it be to do baseballs, rainbows, and shit on kids cheeks?

This is the video I found on YouTube…


I had a four leaf clover when I was a kid! I considered myself god-damn rich to get stripes on the fucking tiger on my cheek! This woman just painted a whole damned butterfly in like three minutes! And it’s not even ones of her GOOD ones!

I immediately told my wife that we needed to go to some sort of party store and buy for real face paint because acrylic just wasn’t going to cut it. So we ran to the Party Place and found the nicest set we could get in the church budget (i.e., $9.99). It was grease-based theatre makeup and I had no idea what that meant, but I was supposed to be able to do a butterfly because my BFF told me I had to and she is pretty artsy.

The day comes and I try the butterfly on one kid I know before the event. It only vaguely looked like an impressionist painting of pink-purple vomit. But slightly butterfly-ish, so I thought it was good to go. They decided to break out the acrylics and go with baseballs, rainbows, and puzzle pieces. Thank God. Any they rejoiced… yay.

It’s not terrible. I mean, I’m not winning an art award anytime soon, but then I only got a minor in music not visual art. But it did teach me a lesson.

Face painting is a bitch.

She went to wash it off shortly after I took the picture. And I can’t say that I blame her. That was when my science kicked in. Grease doesn’t wash off easily.

Poor girl washed her face for, like, ten minutes to get the shame off.

And I put face painting out of my mind for a while. I just had other things to focus on, like work, dissertation, becoming a foster parent, husbanding and what not. But I couldn’t forget because…

I do not fail.

So it was back to Google, YouTube, and any other corner of the Web I could get to without having to prove I was 18 or older to enter a website. You know the ones I mean… 😈

I watched tons of videos by Ashlea Henson on YouTube. I finally learned that grease paint is indeed not the best paint for faces. Who knew? Definitely not That Guy with the greasy face. (Seriously, Cera Ve is awesome). I watched the butterfly video, the monster face, the puppy, the princess crown, just about everything.

Then one day, my wife noticed that she flashed the paint product she was using. My wife, who was watching them with me at this point, paused the video and found out it was Snazaroo! One, how funnily cool is that name? Two, we looked up where we could buy it locally so I could begin experimenting. Three, we planned a spontaneous trip to the town 45 minutes away for an after-work date to buy some simple pallets.

*If you’ve never had the opportunity for a random, 3-hour round trip, spur of the moment trip to buy something silly with the person that makes your soul hum when you wake up, you, sir or madam, have not live. Do it. And soon.

I used those pallets to face paint at my god-daughters birthday party. And it turned out better…

This time turned out a lot better. Plus, my shaky hands came in handy for shading. I need some practice, I need some people, and I need some more paint.

This is going to be fun…My wife even let me order some more paint sets. Here I come YouTube videos! Get ready!

Everyone is supposed to eat the rainbow — you know, orange carrots, red bell pepper, even purple potatoes. I’m pretty sure that the little green heart counts, so if you liked it please click it and let me know so I get all the nutrients I need to make it through the day.

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