How To Get Along With Strangers
Your commute may never be the same again
What is your experience like on the subway? If you’re like most people, you might do one of these three things:
1. Listen to music
2. Play with your phone
3. Stare off into space
This is not a bad thing. Confession: Since I am writing this on the 1 train, that makes me guilty of the second one right now. And I’m also listening to music. Ouch.
Hold on. Heading across the platform to transfer to the 3 train now.
Ah, yes. Getting along with people. In a crowded public place, like a subway for instance, there are many opportunities for presumably rude things to happen. Someone bumps into you by accident, gets the seat before you, doesn’t make room for you to exit. It’s crowded, and it can be hot. You may be in a rush to get somewhere really important.
Naturally, if you are walking around the world with the mentality that everyone else is just a compilation of bodies in your way, your body language and verbal language will communicate that. Others that meet your gaze will be more likely to mirror these same reactions. If you believe that all people are assholes, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The next time you’re bored in transit, I have a really interesting activity for you to try:
Try to become a psychic for a few minutes.
Let your imagination flow. Make up stories in your head about the people you see. Look closely at the expressions people have on their faces, look at what they’re doing, and try to understand them. What was their past like? What do they feel right now?
Sitting across from me is a tall, Middle Eastern looking man with tan skin. He is well dressed, probably about 50 years old, yet looks a bit down on his luck. I imagine what his life might be like.
Perhaps he’s not happy with his job. Maybe he’s lonely. I wonder how many times a day people discriminate against him for things that are out of his control. For a moment, for just a brief moment, I wish that I could trade places with him for a little while. This man has had a hard life. I’d like to take on the brunt of his suffering for a bit. As a white man, I constantly think about the unfair circumstances that allow me to have never once been the person randomly selected to be searched at the airport. If he was standing, I might offer him my seat.
I see an attractive blonde woman of average height. Every guy on the train is watching her read her magazine. Wow. I can’t imagine how she goes through this every day of her life. It must feel like you’re being followed by the FBI or something. It must be scary for her to walk around at night. I’m so lucky to never have had to go through that. Why is it safe for me to wander the streets at any hour freely? For a moment, for just a brief moment, I wish I could allow her to take my place and be able to experience that.
I see a man in a wheelchair. Damn. I wonder what his life must be like on a daily basis. Has he been like this all of his life, or was it an accident? He looks relatively happy. But still, he must have had a really hard life. I should wake up every morning ecstatic that I can get out of bed and stand on my two feet. How amazing is that? I can walk. I feel ashamed right now about all of the times I’ve gone through entire weeks without being thankful that I can walk. For a moment, for just a brief moment, I wish I could trade places with him, and allow him to experience what it’s like to run into the ocean. To climb a tree. To make a diving catch of a football, roll into the endzone, and get up to do a silly dance with all of his teammates cheering him on.
When I think this way, when I look deeply into what someone else’s life and pain might be like, it becomes almost impossible for me to hate them. I want to hold the door for them. I want them to succeed in what they’re doing. I want them to be happy. Even though I don’t really know them, I can still see them as my friends.
If they treat me rudely, I give them the benefit of the doubt. It might be a hard day. I can let it go.
I’ve made it to the High Line now. No one here is in a rush. They all seem to be content with walking at a leisurely pace and enjoying the view from above the city. I think I’ll stop being anti-social now and put my phone away.
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For previews of my upcoming book, go here:
It’s All My Fault: How I Messed Up the World, and Why I Need Your Help to Fix It
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