five years

Undergrad has been the worst experience of my life. It is throw-up-blood stressful. It is fall-to-pieces straining. What do I mean.

Five courses a semester. Ten a year. 40 TAs. FORTY. FORTY people who don’t care about you, can’t care about you, don’t have time to parse your interests, which god forbid you try to bring into your coursework, robotically giving you Bs. GRAD STUDENTS READING THIS DON’T YOU DARE MAKE THIS ABOUT YOU. YOU. YOU HAVE A VOICE. YOUR STRUGGLES ARE SOCIALLY VALORIZED. DO YOU KNOW WHO WE ARE? UNDERGRADS. WE DON’T EVEN HAVE FACES. NOBODY TAKES US SERIOUSLY.

ALSO. NOBODY TAKES US SERIOUSLY. WE’RE ASSUMED TO BE STUPID, INCOMPETENT. HAVE YOU EVER WANTED TO SPEND FIVE YEARS IN A PLACE WHERE EVERYONE ASSUMED YOU WERE STUPID AND EVERYTHING ABOUT YOUR EXISTENCE WAS ORGANIZED IN OPPOSITION TO THIS? INSANITY.

DEADLINES. WHO IN REAL LIFE HAS AN EXISTENCE SO FRAGMENTED YOU CAN HAVE THREE TO FIVE DEADLINES IN THE SAME WEEK? IN REAL LIFE I WOULD HOPE YOUR INTERESTS ARE INTEGRATED.

COURSEWORK IS USELESS.

UNDERGRAD:

• INTERNALIZE THAT YOU’RE DUMB
• ORGANIZE YOUR EXISTENCE AROUND BOTH PERMANENT BELIEF IN THIS FACT AND PERMANENT STRUGGLE AGAINST IT
• FILL YOUR EXISTENCE WITH PRE-APPROVED ACTIVITIES CONDUCTED ACCORDING TO PRE-APPROVED SOCIAL RULES THAT RE-ENACT WHITE MALE PRIVILEGE
• NOTHING YOU DO MATTERS
• YOUR INTERESTS DON’T MATTER
• LOOK LIKE “THAT GIRL” OR “THAT GUY” THE SINGULAR IMAGE OF SUCCESS SOURCED, ACTUALLY, FROM OUTSIDE ACADEMIA, TO BYPASS THIS SYSTEM OF Bs
• I LIKE THAT GIRL AND THAT GUY A LOT THIS ISN’T ABOUT THEM
• I DON’T KNOW I’M JUST NOT HAVING A GOOD TIME