Why Getting Married “Young” is Not a Bad Idea

I got married when I was 24 years old (a month before turning 25). That was crazy to a lot of people because I was a “baby” making a permanent, life-altering decision. Way too young to know what I really want in life, how my dreams will evolve, or where I’ll be in five or ten years. It’s popular to assume you can’t “afford” marriage in your early 20s. At some point we began to think getting married meant you had to throw a lavish wedding, buy a house, and settle down in the suburbs with some babies. We think we have to be established in our career and have it all together, so marriage ends up getting the boot until your 30s. And I get that because I was one of those people. I rode that feminist bandwagon with a megaphone in hand declaring to the world that marriage in your early 20s was equivalent to getting locked in a tower like Rapunzel. No more career goals, no more travel, no more Friday nights with the girls. I was a millennial convinced that I wouldn’t get married until I was 30 because I wanted freedom from anything that might slow me down.

What bologna.

When I graduated from high school, I dumped my boyfriend and moved three hours away to attend the best college that would have me. When I graduated from college, I dumped the college boyfriend and moved a thousand miles south for a job and city I thought would be thrilling. After three years of living in Miami (very thrilling, indeed), I got a job offer in New York to work somewhere awesome. Yet again, I had a boyfriend at the time of the offer but I didn’t even bother to ask what he thought about me moving. Not very kind of me, but like I said, I was determined to steer clear of any roadblocks. I figured the same pattern would occur: we’d break up and I’d be movin’ on to the next adventure; on my own. But that didn’t happen this time. Even though I didn’t ask for his opinion on my accepting a job so many miles away, he had something to say.

He was excited for me. He knew I really wanted this and so in his typical selfless way (and surprisingly to me) he didn’t once ask me to reconsider leaving. What did he do instead? He asked if he could come too. And he did and a few months later we got hitched because I knew I’d found the kind of love I wanted.

So who says marriage is a death sentence for your dreams? Who says it’s a commodity that only some can “afford?” We both had student debt, he was still in graduate school, and I was still considered entry level at work; on the outside looking in, we probably couldn’t “afford” marriage but, thankfully, he’s not one to look to the world for advice (something he’s teaching me everyday). I jumped into a marriage with him because I had faith that life with this particular person could be different. Maybe marriage could actually be fun and beneficial. Fulfilling and freeing and life-giving. Maybe it could be the complete opposite of what I’d always imagined. Maybe it didn’t have much to do with money but with mindset. To my surprise and delight, it was and it is.

Here are just a few ways marriage (to the right person) at a “young” age has made me a better person (and can for you too):

1. We paid off one of my student loans and tripled our emergency savings fund because we didn’t want to end up like these guys. What would have taken me a few years to do on my own was tackled in a few months because we did it together.
2. We started investing; that’s all him. I wish I could tell you we learned this together, but this kinda stuff bores me to death. If I hadn’t gotten married, I doubt I’d be investing even by the time I turned 30. But he picked up my slack; he did the research and set it all up so that we wouldn’t have to retire at 90. Teamwork, baby.
3. Huge: I started writing WAY more. When you live with someone you love, you end up sharing all of your hopes and dreams with them. The best part? When they know what those dreams are, they don’t let you sink into laziness and complacency. There have been many mornings when he’s had to push me out of bed at 5 AM so that my lazy butt could write for a few hours before work. He tells me things like, “when I come home you better have published something,” and, “you should take that writing class. Who cares how much it costs, it’s important to you.” This turned a dream into a side hustle that actually generates income. It was mind blowing for me (still is). Could I have done this on my own? Who knows. But it’s so much sweeter when you have accountability and encouragement from someone who cares deeply about seeing your heart’s desires fulfilled.
4. We’ve lived in three different states together because we’re exploring where we want to put down roots one day. We’re taking it year-by-year seeing what different cities have to offer. When we’re ready, we can get up and move somewhere new again (if we want to) because we don’t believe marriage=mortgage. Living in so many diverse cities has given us a lot of perspective and helped us discover what we value most. I moved to a new city twice on my own and it was fine, but it’s so much more fun doing it with a buddy.
5. We both love to travel, so that’s what we do. With two incomes and no kids, your trips get a little bit nicer ;) #hostelnomore

But my most favorite thing about getting married “young” is that I get to watch my husband grow into the man he will be ten years from now. I get to see every obstacle, every victory, every detour he takes to reach his greatest potential. I won’t just show up to a shiny, finished product, I get to be a part of the building process. I get to say, “I remember when…”