My original thought for this post involved examining the best practices for caring for the families of first responders during deployments to disasters. After examining the readily available research, I came away underwhelmed with the results. The majority of the available literature involved preparing families for the eventuality of disaster deployments.

I expected to find several strategies that addressed the needs of families left behind by their first responder mothers or fathers. The majority of the literature I did find centered on “role strain” and “role conflict.” Those terms were created to identify the stress placed on responders leaving their families to face the challenges of a post disaster alone. The strain and conflict placed on responders only exacerbates the pressure and stress of responding to dynamic events such as natural disasters.

In researching this issue I began to think how I have repeatedly left my family at a moments notice for the better part of a decade. Someone else’s emergency has always superseded the needs of my wife and children. Usually, in the dark of night “daddy” would sneak out of the house and not return for days.

The irony of returning to graduate school (Center for Homeland Defense and Security Master’s Program — Naval Postgraduate School) is that many of us have achieved positions that would not require us to immediately respond to incidents. In payback for the years that we were away from home, we have chosen an academic path that locks us away in a solitary environment for eighteen months.

I suggest that we take a moment and reflect on the sacrifices being made by the people that we are “sacrificing” for. I have mistakenly believed that being stoic about my job was protecting my family from its macabre nature. It turns out my version of stoic was acting preoccupied and cranky upon my return home. The title of this post came from my wife. She has often spoken about the fact that she and my girls share in the stress of the job without ever experiencing the closure or victory when a case is closed or disaster mitigated.

In researching my graduate school thesis, I have taken the opportunity to read several theses of those that have completed the program. I have observed that most families rate about six sentences in the acknowledgements. It usually begins with professing love for spouses and children and progresses to recognizing the support from extended family. I am going to endeavor to express these feelings earlier in the process and not leave it for the end when I am frantically trying to beat a deadline to get my project submitted. I am continually amazed at the caliber of those in this program but I would guess that (just like me) we all rely on the support from those we love. We need to ensure that we put the same emphasis on our own homes as we do in protecting the homeland……