Peer Review by Ian Diffley

  • I really enjoyed your bio; your anecdote added a lot of value to the piece and the transition from your anecdote into what you wrote about was very smooth.
  • Your revision looks really good. It is very clear that you looked retrospectively to fix your errors. The current presentation is a little rough, but you’ve already said you would fix it, I think it will turn out great.
  • There are a couple of grammar errors in your piece about The third and final continent “When thinking of moral in a story its is vital “ “something that his been lost “, otherwise, it read pretty well and I liked the outside sources you brought into the paper.
  • Grammar error in your soup Nazi piece “But everyone in front of me go free bread.”. I would try to make more paragraphs out of the last one. there seems to be a lot of different ideas rolled into one long paragraph. There are also places where it just says picture. I’m not sure whether that means that there is a picture there or if you intend to, but the pictures will probably help break up the essay to make it more readable. I think this article would be great if you put it into medium. Overall very well written.

I have enjoyed reading your essays this semester, and I can definitely see that you have a great writing ability. I hope that you continue to develop it throughout your college career.

Best of luck,

Ian Diffley

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