L’esprit d’escalier

The way the sun hit the blinds today;

I was reminded of a way you used to say

“lets go outside”; like the sun was our golden goddess

after we had dressed; the morning air

raising blessed goosebumps, we would wrap

around each other; basking in dawn’s light.

On my way outside today, I stopped

the weight of mourning pressing down

as a dove’s wings caught the light;

I felt a flutter of love’s past might.

Déjà vu,

L’esprit d’escalier.

I was meant to tell you that I care,

I was meant to hold you every morning while the sun dried our hair.

our future bent past me this morning;

and left me with despair.