My Story
Make the Family Proud
My parents’ amazing love story began when my grandfather on my dad’s side saw my mom at her job in Manila. He showed her a picture of my dad in his US Navy uniform, and asked her if he can get a picture in return, which she agreed to. For two or three years, my parents wrote each other love letters before meeting in the Philippines, getting married, and moving to the United States without knowing anyone. Like most immigrants, they wanted the American dream of getting a job and raising a family in the land of opportunity.
My parents’ idea of success for me and my two older brothers was for us to go to college and become engineers or doctors. There was a lot of tough love involved growing up, which I don’t blame them for because they both had hard lives in the Philippines and they only wanted us to be our best. When the going got tough, we were told to never cry, stop complaining, get it together, and fight back. I remember running to my parents crying when I was four years old because my brother’s friends, who were 12 years old, were picking on me. My dad told me to get back out there, so I got my plastic sword and fought them. And won. =)
My brothers, while successful, did not get Bachelor’s degrees so that pressure fell on me to live up to the American dream. They graduated high school when I was in grade school, and I wanted to do everything they were doing: listening to 2Pac and Biggie, DJing, breakdancing, playing sports, smoking, drinking, whatever. School came easy for me, so I really didn’t study much and focused on the fun things that they were doing. I didn’t know any Filipinos that went to college, and the media only showed us singing or dancing, so I originally thought that would be my future.
Eventually, I succumbed to the pressures of my parents and tried to major in pre-med. I ultimately quit mid pre-exam because I knew this wasn’t for me. I knew my parents were disappointed, but I was going to put my heart into whatever I decided to do and make them proud that I was able to reach the “American Dream.”
Finding my Identity
Even though Filipinos are the third largest Asian population, we have no representation in the media. My town was mostly Latinx and African-American and our school was one of the worst in Illinois. I didn’t really have too many role models to look up to and I thought my future as a Filipino was to be the stereotypical singer or dancer. My parents’ identity was centered on the success of their children, but for us, we were trying to find where we fit into society as a Filipino and as an American.
In high school, I was friends with everyone, but friends with no one. I jumped around from group to group trying to find my identity and where I really fit in. I hated being Filipino. I wish I could be any other non-Asian ethnicity so I could have that community. I would make self-denigrating jokes as I thought that’s what I needed to do to make friends.
It’s my Strength and Weakness
Thirty-three years later, coming out of a poor town as a Filipino-American, I’ve achieved more than I could have ever imagined. If you told high school Jeremy that he would get an MBA at a top college and have a career in tech digital marketing, he probably would’ve walked away making another Filipino joke.
Being raised to be a fighter and trying to fit in with every different ethnicity and group has allowed me to get to where I am today. If the going got tough, personally or professionally, I would brush it off, say that there are other people that have it worse, and keep pushing until I got to the finish line. Code switching allowed me to fit in and adapt to any situation, but I typically sacrificed my self-identity for the sake of my career.
Life was moving along until May of 2018, which was the toughest month of my life. My relationship of nine years ended, and I lost my best friend to neuroendocrine cancer at the age of 30. I thought I had the rest of my life figured out, and then the whole world came crashing down. I started seeing a therapist trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. Come October, the haze above me disappeared, I figured out what I valued, and felt like I had direction again. I jumped in headfirst and filled everyday with board meetings, working out, going out, traveling, and anything else to remain busy. I was going full throttle and was ecstatic that I was making progress towards all my goals, but then everything came crashing down at the end of January.
I woke up one Sunday after a night out super exhausted. I thought it was just from drinking, but this day felt different. I couldn’t go back to sleep, but I didn’t want to leave my bed for any reason. My heart was racing, I wanted to shut off my brain, but I couldn’t. I wanted to give up. I called my friend and asked if I could stay with her because for the first time, I was scared to be myself. I didn’t know what I was capable of at that point. I spent a couple of days with her until I got out of this rut.
I realized that the reason I kept busy was because I didn’t know how to grieve since I was told to never cry, and to figure it out. Although it’s not my nature, I’ve tried to slow down, leave some time for me to do absolutely nothing, channel Drake and get “In My Feelings.” I’ve been living with depression and anxiety probably for the last ten years or even more. It took the worst events, but I’ve learned so much about myself and am more myself than I’ve ever been. I’m trying to improve every day, focus on mental wellness, and I know I don’t need to do this alone. I feel closer than ever to my friends and family after talking about my issues.
More than anything, if you feel like you’re struggling, know that you are not alone and do not hesitate to reach out to your support system. I want to give a special thank you to my marketing family this past year, who are some of the kindest people I’ve ever met in my life. It’s been crazy personally and professionally, but coming in to work with you all has been the best remedy everyday.
Last but not least, I wanted to share one of my favorite accounts on Instagram that gives me wisdom everyday. https://www.instagram.com/the.holistic.psychologist
Also, shameless plug for a website I’m involved in that I hope empowers the younger Filipino generation. https://wearekubo.com/
P.S. Can I give everyone on my team a peer bonus?