5 looks that we’re silently judging this semester as we try to finish this granola bar without getting crumbs in our keyboards

While I was totally just expecting to wear flip flops and sweatpants to class for the next four years when I showed up at college, I was sorely dissapointed to find nothing but people who actually try so here I am in the back of another lecture class dishing out a hot serving of unrequested judgement.

  1. Mister Business
Yeah, you know his LinkedIn is better than yours.

You know this kid- he’s always coming to class in a dark suit or freshly pressed dress shirt and even though he’s only a sophomore, he probably has a better internship than you. While you’re wondering how to word this week’s plea to your parents for gas money, he’s already planned his next three career moves and is launching an app before spring semester is over. We all hate him from afar, but he’s slightly inspiring and we hope someday we’ll consistently dress sharper, or at least purchase an iron.

2. Boho Queen/King

Are you cold? Cause this classroom is really cold.

Hair- wavy from fresh ocean air and voluminous from sun damage. Outfit- layers and layers of crocheted nonsense and sweaters that you may have mistaken for a blanket. Shoes- definitely designer but barely visable under a a gaggle of anklets crafted by Nambian refugees. Happiness- their choice. Maybe if they can buy into this persona enough, they can lose sight of the fact that this is definitlely a phase and human persons are required to shower sooner or later but until then, they’re more than happy to live by the sun and love by the moon.

3. Ever-Ready Runner

Actual picture of a college student stretching themselves too thin

Clad in only the stretchiest fabrics, they’re ready for a 5k before, in the middle of, or after class and if you took a picture of them with flash, all the relective bits would light up like a Christmas tree. Their hair is ponied in anticipation and their books are neatly stowed inside a gigantic Under Armour backpack. However, while their outfit says that they’re ready to rock a Tough Mudder, they’re eyes whisper that they’re on the way to taking their third nap of the day.

4. Obvious East Coaster

*Ponders who to oppress next*

Did you know that you can sew 49 tiny labradors onto a pair of chinos? Because this kid does. With an arsenal of polos, button downs, shorts, bowties and ball caps sporting a zoo of logos and promoting an easy breezy lifestyle, this student is ready to live the most pastel life they can. While he may lecture you on the importance of ultra conservative ideals if need be, maybe if you’re nice enough to him he’ll invite you to his family’s annual duck hunt in the Berkshires or this rager.

5. Streetwear Specialisté

Everyone knows that a long coat are Birks best friend

What’s black, white, tan, gray and suffering from an existential crisis all over? This fashionista. Often sporting a flat brimmed hat, velvet choker, unncessarily large cardigan and the crippling burden of knowing that they were born in a nice suburb rather than in the heart of Brooklyn, this student totally was waitlisted for Lang and ended up here instead. Suffering from a constant existential crisis that can only be expressed after several trips to Vince and Blue Bottle, they know that the end is near… or who knows, they might get Instafamous and find the strength to make it through another day.