This letter has been written by sarasvati.
It’s been a few days that I reminded Jubin to send in a letter to everyone who makes aashram space what it is…which well, is everything and everyone, visible and invisible, from the micro-organisms to each grain of sand, rocks, trees, insects, the people… and the divine spirit that permeates everything. This letter is also a reflection onto the path, this journey that is aashram space. To my remark, Jubin casually responded saying, “Would you like to write it this time?” hmmm!… my mind goes into a small break dance before I catch it and, to his surprise say, “Why not? Let me give it a shot”…
So, here I am with this letter, that seems to be forming itself…
Every being at some level is a perspective (maybe), for me this perspective in relation to aashram space is cleaning, organising. I serve the space as it’s caretaker and that throws back a lot, I mean metaphorically…from questions and ideas around identity, ownership, to expectations and all the emotions that are woven into these threads…i will come to this in a bit, because this is not about me but leading through the person into the dynamics and nature of the space…
Coming to the physical space, the monsoons brought in a flurry of things from insects, bird nests, to tiny floodings in the house, to breakage of water pipes where it rained, rather poured all around, while we sat in the house without a single drop of water in the taps, for about ten days. The rains sustained us, we found our rhythm and just as we came to happily accept and flow with this irony, there was water (I mean in the taps)…
It was a good monsoon, everything became alive, even the doors, the walls, the rocks, and the path. Seeing all this life, motivated us also to sow some seeds, so we casted corn, cucumber, pumpkin, bottle gourd, ginger, turmeric, tomatoes and potatoes in a tiny piece of earth and did it bear fruit. What bounty and forgiveness does mother earth hold in her heart, for she provides without distinction, without judgement, with love.
Monsoon is usually quiet with less travellers and hence, relatively less guests for us. So we took the opportunity to revel in silence and be in meditation. The space became a home for friends from around who were in between houses, along with a special guest who brought in a lot of energy and stories with her. Stories from her road travel from Switzerland to Bir (via Turkey, Iran, Pakistan, and more). Every guest who comes is an invitee of the space and it was with gratitude that we received Lara, who rested in preparation for her further journey into the world within and outside. Hardik came and provided us with the space and opportunity to trek with him to Rajgunda, Palachak and Kothi-Kodh. Mohit, Latika, Ritesh and many more made their presence felt in different ways. Nabiha took care of the house while we were away for a couple of weeks. And Prabhjit, a film maker from Chandigarh is currently staying with us for a month working on his script. And ofcourse there is Sohail and Anish helping out with everything. Lot of cooking experiments continue (momos and chikki being the latest) along with Siddharth’s sketching and a bunch of other things.
This is the period when the small town of Bir rested and renewed itself for the upcoming season… all was in renewal, the energy of rains reviving in its wake. We also worked on a project for friends in Bangalore and Chennai- check out www.eatlocal.world . It’s a startup trying to connect urban consumers with farming collectives around them.
Coming to the perspective on cleaning; it is central to upkeep of a space, in the sense it’s continuous- washing clothes, washing utensils, drying and arranging them, cleaning floors, cleaning toilets, organising waste (along with cooking) sometimes seems like a never ending activity… there are days that are spent looking at dirty utensils that go through your hands to become clean, with only small breaks for meals… putting the head to rest in the night becomes a very gratifying feeling, to have contributed, to have served to your best ability…there is a deep sense of gratefulness for the food, a cup of warm tea, beautiful music, silence, a roof over the head and warm bed to sleep in. These are the moments that give a glimpse into what is important, a reset of priorities happen…
Washing so much, also brought in questions about chemicals used in cleaning, for the hands say it aloud and got us to look into it deeper. We moved from chemical cleaners to soapnut powder and bio-enzymes…now there is a sense of contributing towards nurturing the earth and little invisible organisms. It has enhanced a sense of wellbeing within that is hard to describe, like I am the earth and the invisible organisms too, a sense of oneness which has made the task of cleaning a pleasure…
Cleaning toilets is an even challenging task, I have stopped using soaps for bath, however toilet cleaning days are the ones that make me feel so unclean I resort to soaps, shampoos in such excess that it makes up for the lost days. The chemicals used for cleaning toilets are even harsher, acid that burns. Somehow these days it is difficult to use them, for, as my hands burn, i imagine what burning this would entail for the little beings, spiders, other insects, visible and invisible organisms…it hurts beyond description. To add to that, I read that the lakes that froth in Bangalore, including lakes that spontaneously burn, fire, actual fire, is owing a lot to use of chemical cleaners… maybe it is time to change some habits and we are in the process…
Washing clothes, same story… all cleaning these days is chemical (kills 99.99% germs), all organisms are germs, that are our enemy. When did this happen? As I move to soapnut and bio-enzymes for cleaning, I realise they clean way better than any other cleaner, how did we ever drop this for the chemicals?! What we use is what we also ingest and absorb.
And the biggest challenge of all is the waste…first step ofcourse is reduce but that cannot be enforced, maybe can but we do not want to enforce anything on anyone as best as we can. So we segregate organic (is not waste, it goes happily back into enriching and becoming soil), paper, plastic wrappers, plastic bottles, metal and glass (I don’t know which category toothpaste tubes and tooth brushes come in). It is not always neatly segregated, our lifestyles have been such, so we put our hands in segregate, wash the plastic, both packages and bottles, dry them and fill the plastic wrappers in plastic bottles. Now we are holding a lot of such bottles and do not know what to do. Waste is also sanitary and diapers and sanitary pads pose a big challenge, we end up burning them and that doesn’t feel good at all. Yes, even putting our hands in the waste does not feel good but then what has to be done, has to be done and it makes us appreciate people who do this work regularly, clean out our bins in cities, segregate and further process it, people (rather families) who spend their entire lives submerged in someone else’s dirt, involved in a thankless job, where all they get from us, for whom they have created cleaner spaces to be, is side-lines of the city, and not even side-lines in the space of our heart.
Along with these questions, questions also arise on what it means to be serving, should we have rules, should we expect anything from guests… and then I remember something that someone said “…water is stronger than rock, love is stronger than force”
And we learn to look within deeper and deeper, we realise with every question that what arises has a source in us and we seek that source within, not into the actions of another…but this is a journey. We learn, we falter, we seek guidance in our heart, somedays we tread along, somedays we glide…
All in all there is peace and there is love, there is a beautiful sense of the journey and for this we thank you all with all our heart…may love be visible to you always, may peace forever reveal itself in your heart… thank you so so much for making this space a possibility…
