When Did I Get So Old?

Wow! Just last week my son turned 18. When did I get so old? I still like doing fun things. I love to blast the radio and sing in the car, drive like a crazy woman and play games online. I did not graduate high school that long ago…did I? I graduated 31 years ago. Yes, 1985. Seems like yesterday, but 31 years has gone fast. Got married, had a child, got divorced, lost both of my parents within 2.5 years of each other, sold my house and moved out of New Jersey to South Carolina. And now my son turned 18.

I never thought that this day would come. Getting ready to graduate high school. Did I pay for the cap and gown, the class trip to Florida, the high school ring and the tux for the prom? What college will he attend? Will he attend college? The car insurance goes up and so do my sleepless nights.

How in the world will I ever get a good night’s sleep? Oh wait, now that I am in that time of a woman’s life I don’t sleep without help anyway. The night sweats, the diagnosis of diabetes, the “running the world problems through my mind” every night before I go to bed. if I get 5 hours that is a lot.

With the lack of sleep, came the diagnose of Type 2 diabetes. Is this what happens when you get to that age? You know the big 50? You find that you think about your ailments and meds more often than not. I made fun of my parents and their ailments conversations with their friends and now I find that I sometimes have similar conversations with my friends. And then it happens…I start to sound like my parents. UGH!!! Like an old fart. No not me. I will forever be the parent that my son calls “casually dirty” or something like that. I was always the cool parent will that change?

I find myself looking at my hands. The skin is not as tight as it was before, the veins start to show more and the gray hair…OMG where did that come from? I remember my mother saying her hands looked like her mom’s hands and I find myself saying the same things. I am looking at Buicks (as sure sign you are getting old.)

I look in the mirror and I still look 36 with my hair dyed, make up and my shoulder length hair. Then it happened. Usually people think I am younger than I am. I was buying cigarettes at a local Rite Aid. They card EVERYONE. She did not card me and I asked why. She said “okay, when is your birthday?” When I told her she said, “Sorry I had you older than that.” ARE YOU EFFIN KIDDING ME? The first time in my life I was thought to be OLDER! What a wakeup call. Did I age over night? Is there gray that I can’t see? The ultimate reality.

So, with the diagnosis of diabetes, I have lost 30+ pounds so far. Time to buy new clothes and then I stopped. Lord, I don’t want to be one of those old ladies trying to be young as I purchased my ripped jeans and black leather and suede Timberland boots. Ha Ha Ha! I will never grow up on the inside…

Ultimately, I think that feeling young in your brain, keeps you young. No matter the ailments or troubles, keep that mind young and stupid.