Avoid The Nasty Characteristics of Retirement

Does this qualify as a nasty characteristic of retirement?

The “retirement” population will just about double (13% today; 20% in 2050) in 35 years. If we have these nasty characteristics now, think about them then . . . .

It’s mid-morning. I’m at the bank, sitting in a manager’s office, completing paperwork for my account.

Through the semi-permanent divider I can hear an older man’s voice. I can’t catch all of his words. He’s commenting on some banking issue he’s just come across. Then he mentions, “Back in the 1940’s.” Between bits of filling out my paperwork, I hear another snippet — something about his trip to Florida. Occasionally, a young woman’s voice interjects, “Yes, … yes ….” I can tell she’s listening. Is it to be polite, or because she’s interested?

What’s happening could qualify as a nasty characteristic of retirement. She, the assistant bank manager, has limited time during her paid work day; he, the retired, has time on his hands. He’ll join his wife after her book club. He’ll pick his grandchildren up from school in the afternoon. He’ll put the finishing touches on his church’s financial statement as the volunteer treasurer. This senior has had time to reflect on today’s banking problem in light of his experience and travel opportunities. He’s intent on sharing this wisdom with her.

I’m getting close to that age. The concept of “retirement” makes me panic. Here’s why:

1. Our society values work, people who work, work product, work benefit. It shudders at those who aren’t part of the money-making mainstream: “stay-at-home-moms or -dads,” people with non-traditional forms of income, and retirees. I’ve been to many dinner-parties (as one who didn’t have a traditional form of income) and watched my conversation partner carefully step around the question of what do I do to contribute to my community.
2. The words retirement and retired refer to what you DID, If you’re in retirement it means you stopped working, i.e., a retired teacher used to teach). Retirement means you’re DONE. You’re in the end game.
3. The word, “retirement,” doesn’t have a synonym. It doesn’t say what you’re actively doing (except that you’ve finished). Retirement doesn’t reference volunteering, traveling, or starting a new business. It also doesn’t convey finally finding enough time to enjoy life — reading, writing poetry, meditating, doing yoga, spending time talking, being with friends and family.

So, like others I’ve spoken to, I’ve had difficulty finding exactly the right activity to retire to. What will make me feel as if I have value to society as well as meaningfulness in my life? It’s a fine edge.

I’m encouraged by seniors who have come to this point before me. They’ve fought these same internal demons and worked their way through the difficulties of growing older and becoming wiser. They encourage me to live the life I’ve always wanted and thumb my nose at the societal pressures of work.

Back to the elder man at the bank, the one who’s relaxed conversation might qualify as a nasty characteristic of retirement. With retirement, he doesn’t speed through the drive-up window or use the cash machine. Instead of a conversation-less transaction, he’s taken the time to walk in and chat.

Perhaps, just perhaps, that assistant bank manager will learn from his wisdom and experience. She’ll add meaning to his life by gaining value from their conversation — instead of seeing him as a “has been.”