How to Make Sex and Drugs High Stress
Stress? What me stressed?
“What time did you get home from the grocery?” my partner asked.
“Couple of hours ago, why?” I answered.
“I think you should take some time away from here — stop packing the house, making plans for our trip, organizing our papers. Go see your son, relax a bit, get rid of your stress.”
“What’s that have to do with the time I got home?” I asked.
“When you arrived, you left the car running. The engine’s been on for the last two hours.”
I loved the idea of seeing my son.
Soon, only Skype would connect the two of us. I knew I had a story-telling acquaintance who would perform at the nearby Minnesota Fringe Festival. Without hesitation, I booked two seats for Lauren Niemi and Howard Lieberman in “55 Minutes of Sex, Drugs, and Audience Participation.”
As I drove north to Minneapolis, I thought about those non-refundable seats, aware my son wasn’t much of an audience participator (nor I with these topics). Stress helped me overlook that I, mother, would sit inches from him, 24-year-old son, for 55 minutes of sex, drugs, and audience participation. We’ve never been prudish with our discussions, but first-person audience participation seemed, well, ….
No admittance after show begins.
That evening, as we dashed across town just after rush hour, I felt sure we would be late. We would have been, had there been a line. There wasn’t. The man who gave us the tickets knew my name. I was the only one who had made reservations. Eight theatre-goers waited in the lobby. My stress escalated — sheer numbers projected we would be forced to participate. The man in charge of tickets ushered us into the venue with its three long rows of 20 folding chairs. I led to the back row, to sit strategically behind the two tallest men. Just before the story tellers entered, the remaining seats magically filled. It was a full house.
R or X?
The story tellers welcomed us and asked: did we want an R-rated or X-rated show? It would be bad form to initiate the clapping to support an R show. I stayed quiet while all cheered for the X.
A fish bowl passed from one audience member to the next. The music stopped when the bowl had passed the two of us. The woman holding the bowl went onstage, selected and unsealed one of the papers from its interior, and showed the audience the first topic for the two story-tellers: ORAL.
But first, Loren and Howard explained that the woman onstage had three choices. She could a) participate with them; b) sit on stage and watch; or c) return to her seat. I sighed audibly; I knew now our escape route.
Sex, drugs, or alcohol.
ORAL met expectations — a plot line that included lots of moving body parts. The sections that should have been titilating seemed cumbersome. Another round of the musical fish bowl followed. It didn’t stop in either of our laps. The bowl holder opened a prompt about drugs, which spurned a tale about peyote buttons. Two beautifully crafted stories on alcohol came next with a sweet finale suggested by “A kiss is just a kiss.” Occasionally, I peeked at my kid; he leaned forward in his seat with interest.
As we drove home, the two of us asked one another if the two storytellers told tales of truth and how did we rate the qualiy of their storytelling? We agreed the erotica didn’t have much to do with whether or not it was a well-told narrative, and despite our initial fear of embarassment, we enjoyed ourselves. Loren and Howard are professionals.
Stress free
I had left my stress at the theatre. The next day I would return to Pewaukee, well rested and ready to resume my international trip preparation. Or, so I thought.
On the drive home, I stopped at a fast-food establishment to buy coffee. Once in the car, I adjusted the radio when I heard a banging on my window. A woman stood waiting outside, pointing at the drink cup I had left on the hood of the car.
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What were ways your added to your stress? Were family members part of the equation?
Judy O Haselhoef, a social artist, story-teller, and author of “GIVE & TAKE: Doing Our Damnedest NOT to be Another Charity in Haiti,” blogs regularly at her website, www.JOHaselhoef.com.
Copyright @2016: If you’d like to use any part of it (up to 200 words), please give full attribution and this website, www.JOHaselhoef.
