Oh, dear Heath, I am so jealous that you even knew your mother — I have no idea who my parents were, except that my mom was apparently an Army Nurse impregnated whilst stationed in France in 1946, and came back to a dishonorable discharge and childbirth in San Francisco in 1947.
I spent my first 20 years feeling totally alienated from my parents and didn’t know why, until my “mother” finally told me in a fit of anger “It’s not my fault, you’re not really mine,” and the story came out — I was adopted at 12 weeks, after spending that first three months alone in a hospital not being touched or held or loved, just fed and changed and watched. No wonder I am needy. Remember the experiments with primates where they were denied loving contact?
Anyway, please hold on to your good and even the bad memories, and keep the faith. You are obviously a wonderful man, deserving of peace, which I wish you on this Christmas Day.