Thanks for the kind word and for commenting!
About the offensive word.
This is basically the way I speak with other people and the way I speak to myself. I like to write the way I speak and I just like the sound of it when it’s not overused.
To be fair I didn’t think too much about how offensive it could be. It felt appropriate with what I was trying to express. Strong and powerful emotions and it just came to me naturally while I was writing that paragraph.
I don’t think the paragraph would’ve had the same impact without the offensive word.