Menopause: The Dry and Wet Talk of Sex
The years and womanly life cycle have taken my youthful state and created a sub-Saharan territory that no man shall cross.
Without serious preparation and a multitude of understanding.
Probably doesn’t need to be said, but menopause isn’t fun and it certainly isn’t cheap. However, I’ve learned that sex doesn’t have to be over or even less enjoyable. Thankfully.
As a nearing fifty woman, I’ve prided myself on embracing my youth for as long as possible, even if the number on my driver’s license and the fine lines and increasing numbers of crows feet (crows legs, in some cases) indicate otherwise. However, the last two years have dragged my emotional buoyancy and my physical state through the menopause mud.
I want to share three things I’ve learned to support to those in their late thirties and early forties who are facing the trek into the dry land soon. No, it’s not horrible, but if I can inform you, then you will face the journey prepared and teach others as well. We’re all in this caravan of womanhood, we might as well be supportive.
1. Sex might become uncomfortable. Thankfully, there are ways to alleviate the discomfort. But first, why is it happening? Simply, the decrease of estrogen in our bodies is messing with the fluid production of our vaginas. And although it can happen pre-menopause and other times of a woman’s life like after childbirth and while nursing, the chances of it happening during or after menopause are the highest in our lives. A quarter of women aged 50–59 experience discomfort from vaginal dryness during sex and 16% experience pain (WomensHealthConcern.com).
Women — we don’t have to experience pain. Period. Or lack of one in this case.
Buy lube. Buy it in bulk. Find an online provider and have that slickening bliss delivered to your door on a regular basis. Stock up, because unfortunately for 58% of us, the sitch down south won’t get any better.
And for those in that late thirties and early forties range, you don’t know when the lack of estrogen might cause penetration to make you grimace like one of those dried apples. Have it on hand. Be proactive. Make it a priority for your comfort.
Start out with a little, and don’t just apply it to the vagina. The vulva (lips) can lose their elasticity and feel tacky. No, that’s not gross. It’s sexual health and reality. And keep adding more lube during sex. Yes, this can take some of the spontaneity out of the moment, but here’s the thing: I’d rather have a pain-free and an enjoyable sex experience than avoiding the few extra seconds it takes to ensure my pleasure. You deserve pleasure. And if your partner doesn’t have the same concern, girl, you got bigger problems than dryness and maybe you should wait until he has respect for your health.
There also can be major consequences for continually experiencing pain during sex. The physical trauma can cause a mental wall against wanting to engage. The normal heightened arousal will be stymied because our brain realizes when it’s going to get hurt. And we don’t like to be hurt. So be proactive — Get the lube!
2. Your bladder might throw a fit during and after sex. Yes, you might pee a little from the weakening of the muscles in that area. No, it’s not female ejaculate and no, it’s not a lubricant. And sometimes you might get an unexpected and painful UTI (urinary tract infection). During menopause, the dryness can cause a new set of bacteria in your vagina that normally isn’t there. Sex can cause that bacteria to enter into the urethra, especially with the added slickness of — yes, you guessed it — lube. So you have to have the lube to enjoy the sex and then you get a UTI from using the lube. Ironic. But there is hope. To limit the chances of this happening, urinating before you have sex and right after is always a good idea. It cleans the urethra of bacteria before and flushes it out after. Take precautions because a UTI is expensive and definitely puts a damper on penetrative sexual activities.
3. Your breasts might change. The dense tissue that you had in your twenties and thirties might start to decrease causing them to become smaller and feel lumpy because they become fattier. And that is what I have experienced. And on top of that, you might experience increased tenderness from the fluctuation of hormone levels, so that can make foreplay involving your breasts uncomfortable. Speak with your partner. Tell her or him what is happening. The more I communicate what’s happening in and to my body, the more my husband puts effort into making me comfortable.
The first thing to do is to consider taking a pain reliever to help lessen the discomfort. Your doctor can tell which pain reliever might be best for you.
The second is to change up positions. A sexual position where your breasts are supported could lessen or alleviate the tenderness. Or wear a bra to help add support. Some lingerie has a built-in bra that could add a new element of seduction and comfort. This will be a personal preference and you will have to experiment, so make it fun. Mix it up with positions and supportive undergarments to find the balance that works for you.
So if or when menopause treats you to less than great gifts. Remember that lube is your friend, to pee before and after sex, and definitely support your breasts when necessary.
Yes, menopause has been full of surprises, but in the end, when we take control of our own bodies and understand the changes, we can enjoy the journey with hope and confidence.
What have you experienced and how have you tackled the fun of menopause? Leave a comment to let others know we can face this together.
Other resources I suggest if you wish to learn more:
Books include:
Before the Change: Taking Charge of Your Perimenopause by Ann Louise Gittleman
Period. The End: Wit, Wisdom, and Practical Guidance for Women in Menopause — and Beyond by Linda Condrillo
Mayo Clinic The Menopause Solution: A doctor’s guide to relieving hot flashes, enjoying better sex, sleeping well, controlling your weight, and being happy! by Stephanie S. Faubion
References:
Women’s Health Concern. Vaginal Dryness PDF. Retrieved July 5, 2019 from https://www.womens-health-concern.org/help-and-advice/factsheets/vaginal-dryness/
WebMD. Vaginal Dryness Causes and Moisturizing Treatments. Retrieved July 5, 2019 from https://www.webmd.com/women/guide/vaginal-dryness-causes-moisturizing-treatments#1
*This content is for general knowledge only. It is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
Like this article, join my newsletter to learn more about my writing and future projects at https://julesdixon.substack.com/p/coming-soon.