And how, in my experience, it relates to addiction I grew up in Lancashire. The flat soil there was dark and rich, farmers grew vegetables. They wore tweed flat caps with their cheap green wellies, leaned on home-made hazel walking sticks and spent a lot of time contemplating the mizzle. …

The day his world stopped — At 6:20am the phone by my head screeched the day into being. The 28th of June, 2021. The voice on the line was a parent from our kids’ junior school, speaking to me like this was a social call. “Hi Jules, it’s Marcus here. You might remember me from school.” …

The Doctor’s explanation of organ failure and a mother’s terrible dilemma — In the private of a side-room, the doctor looking after my husband in ICU described the situation. He told me it was serious following a massive drop in his haemoglobin level and blood pressure, indicating a significant internal bleed. He didn't have much of his history because he had recently…

A long wait and then suddenly things went wrong — Friday We arrived at the hospital, overnight bag in hand, determined and hopeful. I was steeling myself to stand firm in whatever greeted us. This was going to be a long wait and admission was still only our desire, not yet requested, let alone confirmed. After a couple of hours, we…

No-one knew he was dying — For the third time that morning, I wiped down my mother-in-law’s kitchen counter tops. What else do you do whilst waiting for the Doctor to call with results? The dishwasher was humming, the unearthed empty bottles were in the recycle bin outside and his soiled undies were soaking in the…

A joyous melting, a feeling of coming home — Newark, Nottinghamshire was a bit of a dive and this pub was classic — peeling paint on the exterior, dark and red inside, eau de stale-beer-slops and a warm waft greeted you as you ducked to enter. Other than us, the place was empty. I was the newest recruit, there…

Ruminating on what I could have done differently — My husband was a natural entrepreneur and I was his operational support. Our business blossomed out of his skill with wood, his ambition, his perfectionism, his confidence and my firmly planted feet. I brought professionalism, order and process to the party. He envisioned. I worked out the detail and finished…

Was it 3 (him) or 7 (me) hospitalisations and rehabs? — A few weeks ago, I wrote about the first half of our marriage, what I thought of as our golden years before the alcohol addiction trigger pulled. It was obvious (with the benefit of hindsight) that during those dynamic years, the hazy outline of alcoholic and enabler, the drastic potential…

A wife’s journey into rescuing and over-functioning — I sleepwalked into exaggerating my natural tendency to rescue and over-function and I was not aware soon enough. I was widowed at 52. My husband was an alcoholic. I know I need to stop for the sake of my remaining dependant (adult) daughter. It is time I addressed it square…