How Celebrity Actor Josh Sussman Influenced My Life

This is a story about the actor, producer, and “joyologist" Joshua Sussman. You might know him from his roles in shows from a decade ago (Clayton in Drake & Josh, Hugh Normous from Wizards of Waverly Place, Jacob Ben Israel — Rachel Berry’s stalker character — from Glee, and countless others from less known but watch worthy shows, such as his HILARIOUS role from the only season of MTV’s Warren the Ape).

This article is to explore and break down why and how this man holds a special place in my heart forever and always, as he saved my life.

5 years ago I was 19. I was living in Anaheim with my then-boyfriend who really was my worst nightmare. We had been together for 4 years. He was 10.5 years older than me and had been grooming/raping me since I was 15. We moved in together when I was 18 because I genuinely believed he was a good guy. By age 19 after living together a few months I realized he was a menace, an abusive and controlling terror. My mental health was quickly deteriorating. I was drinking every day after coming home from work because I couldn’t stand the idea of seeing & interacting with this garbage called my boyfriend.

I met Josh while I was working in Downtown Disney. He asked me to help him find something while shopping. I barely recognized him so I asked if we went to school together but he very humbly informed me he is an actor and that’s probably how I knew him. Instantly I lit up and asked for a photo. He was so kind and happy to meet a fan, so we posed for a photo wearing animal hats (I worked at Rainforest Cafe). We followed each other on Instagram and occasionally messaged for about a week or so. During these messages he discovered that I was really suffering but I was blind to it; I was so stuck in my rut that I honestly thought living with this horrible person who claimed to love me was my destiny, and I had accepted that by drinking away the reminders every day. He very politely pointed out my lifestyle was unhealthy and made it clear he hoped my life would change for the better. I omitted that I had a boyfriend because 1.) We weren’t flirting so it seemed moot, and 2.) I honestly felt he wasn’t even worth mentioning; were having such positive conversations that I didn’t want to ruin it by talking about my annoying boyfriend. (This should have been another red flag to me: if you don’t even want to talk about your partner, you probably shouldn’t be with them.)
He invited to take me to dinner, so a week later we went to a nice restaurant. He paid for the entire meal (which wasn’t cheap) and offered me great company the entire time. I didn’t consider it to be an invitation to a date, rather just a dinner with pleasant company. I learned during the course of our meal that he was giving me the emotional tools I needed to realize I was trapped in an abusive relationship.

That night I went home to my boyfriend and couldn’t have been quicker to tell him “Hey, I just had dinner with this incredible guy and as it turns out, you fucking suck! Kiss my ass, get out of my house, I deserve better than you.” Oh my goodness…. What a FREEING FEELING! If anyone reading this has experienced something similar you know the feeling; it’s like a light has been illuminated from within that you thought wasn’t even there, and the world no longer towers over you. Suddenly your own life is back in the palm of your hand where it belongs, and the opportunities for growth are endless.

Naturally he cursed at me and attempted to read my messages, which would have worked just hours before. Instead, with a gleaming grin on my face, I said “Fuck you, fuck no, fuck the fuck off.” It was such an empowering feeling that even now 5 years later as I remember this I’m reliving the excitement of grasping that bravery…. which had been handed to me by Josh that night. He gave me exactly what I needed to discover that I deserve better. Better yet, he only seemed to care about my well being; at no point in the night did he ask me for anything other than stories of things that made me happy. He liked seeing me smile. By the end of the evening my first thought was “now I should offer sex since he paid for dinner" (by the time I came to this conclusion I was ready to go home and dump my boyfriend) so when I mentioned getting together for that next time he took no time to hesitate telling me that if I wanted that, great, but he had no expectation of it. This was the first man ever in my dating life to not demand sex or sexual favors for a dinner date. (Really goes to show the trash I was dating before him…)

I had planned and already paid for an overnight stay on Catalina Island for my rapist boyfriend and myself. The deposit for the bed and breakfast was non refundable but I really did not want to go with him now that I had had an excellent night with a much more charming gentleman. We had only had the one dinner date, and this guy was a celebrity, so the idea of inviting him instead was daunting but I took a chance and invited him via text a few days after our date. He was happy as he had never been to Catalina before so together we planned to go. We did, and it was SO MUCH FUN! I really cannot say it enough, all this guy wanted for me was to see me happy because he could tell what kind of dark place I was in. (This was not just due to my circumstances when we met, but also due to me suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder. I’ll touch on that later though.)

We went to bed that night on the island having a total giggle fest between the two of us. He is a natural comedian and went every route he could think of to make me laugh, and he succeeded. We got to know each other and quickly discovered we complemented each other quite well. Shortly after Catalina we became boyfriend and girlfriend. My favorite part of this agreement was that I still lived with my ex, who HATED Josh because he “stole his girl", instead of appreciating Josh for helping me find reasons to be happy every day. I would come home singing like a canary about how much better everything in my life was from my job to my relationship because of this new guy. All he (the predator) would do is drink and cry and insult the man who showed me how to find my smile.

Josh and I had many more fun dates together for a few weeks before he convinced me to move out of my apartment and back in with my parents until I could find my own place separate of my ex. I had a car, but it didn’t always work at the time, so what would he do? ….. This man would drive from his home in the San Fernando Valley all the way to my parent’s house in Irvine (that’s about a 60 mile drive in one direction) to pick me up for dates and drive me home afterwards. He never asked for gas money, he never asked me to pay for anything we did or ate while we were together. Eventually he was comfortable enough to have me spending the night at his house so I kind of lived there for a week or two every month for almost a year. It was a great time for me.

Every time I expressed self doubt and self hate (which was often), he attempted to take every avenue to turn that around. Slowly, over 2 years, he built up my self esteem and confidence. He asked what I wanted to do with my life and I answered that I wanted to get into acting but didn’t think I was good enough. He didn’t press on much as he could tell I was in no place to be told I could be great, and he also had never seen me act, so instead he assured me that he believes I could be wonderful if I just applied myself. I rolled my eyes, as an angsty young adult, thinking that was just him being sweet.

One day he asked me to help him study lines for an audition he had for a commercial. I was happy to do so. As I was reading back the other lines of the script he paused and told me that I was actually doing much better than an average script reader. He showed me the path to getting myself on set, which resulted in me becoming a full time background actor for several years, and he also gave me the direction I needed to attend auditions and land a few very small roles. I could have done none of this without his help and undying support. (Another little fun way he helped me grow: besides acting, I mentioned that I love reading but stopped due to depression… so over the course of our relationship he bought me around 40 books. Every week or two, or whenever I finished a book, I could expect a new one in the mail!)

Now I’m going to dive into my BPD and how Josh handled that. For those unaware, Borderline Personality Disorder is FUCKING HELL. You push people away, self sabotage, demand people to love you and then assume they hate you… it’s just awful. I wish BPD on no one. It’s one thing to live in your own hell, and another to be a sane-minded person dating someone with BPD. Poor, wonderful sweet Jolly Josh lived my hell with me. He held my hand (metaphorically) as I would have my meltdowns. If he tried to give me constructive criticism for any aspect of my life or acting I would meltdown, threaten suicide, scream that he must hate me and wants to see me suffer… oh my oh my, the fire I spat at him was far from just a little mean. My mouth was a flamethrower of poison, raining emotional acid on this guy who just wanted to love and help me. I would run to my car and try to drive away in these emotional states, and he would follow me out trying to help me calm down.

He did not have to do this. He didn’t have to put up with my temper tantrums or my bullying. He could have been like anyone else and said “there’s the door, good riddance you’re a mess!”. That wasn’t him though. He was concerned. He cared more than any friend or boyfriend I’ve ever had.

Over the 2 years we were together my emotional issues got the best of me but he continually dished out a never ending buffet of patience and love. He knew that positive reinforcements travel further than negative comments. He didn’t try to control me like my ex; he gave me space to make my own choices. He supported when I made good ones, and used my bad choices to teach me much, much needed lessons of personal growth… all without putting me down or shaming me.

By the time I was 21 I was almost turned around, and all thanks to him. I mean that. ALL thanks to him.

I met my now-husband on set for a movie in Pomona at age 21. (Josh and I had agreed by that point that we were better as friends -sometimes with benefits- instead of being in a committed relationship.)

We began dating, and Josh remained one of my best friends. When my boyfriend and I had issues I would consult him and he never ceased to give it to me straight; was I at fault or was he? Ben, my boyfriend/now-husband, and I both had a lot of growing to do at 21 and 22. Josh recognized that but believed in our love, as he could see how happy this guy made me. There were several instances where Ben would act similarly to my ex and Josh was always there to point out “that behavior is not ok, remember that you deserve better". At the same time, if I had done something unfair to Ben, Josh would call me out and encourage me to treat my boyfriend better.

At first Ben didn’t quite understand the concept of being friends with your ex, but even as my now-ex Josh supported what was best for me and told me to stand up for myself or dump him, or to be nicer to him and easier on myself. I did exactly that: I stood up for myself whenever Ben behaved unfavorably, and sure enough he reflected that and changed. Because of Josh, my boyfriend grew as a person. Because of Josh, I discovered that I weilded the power to fix my relationship.

He encouraged me to seek therapy, as my BPD was affecting my new relationship. BPD is a learned disorder, unlike Bipolar for example that is chemical, so with therapy it can be unlearned. With his guidance, I found a therapist and have been free from my ball and chain mental disorder for several years now.

I’m 24 today. I have a 1 year old daughter, a 26 year old husband, and a beautiful life. Ben and I are happy together; we communicate every day, always give positive affirmations and support one another, and our daughter is famous for smiling and giggling in our videos because WE are happy. We would not have the marriage that we do had Josh not stepped in when I was a young adult to show me how my partner should treat me, and to show me how I should treat my partner if we were really going to be in it for the long haul.

We would not have this bliss had Josh not been there to talk to me about our issues early in our engagement to point out how we should handle things differently/better. He didn’t just support my growth, he supported and fed into Ben’s growth too, because Ben directly affected ME and therefore he wanted to help.

Thanks to Joshua Sussman, I am a golden girl. My life would be a dumpster fire had he never shown me love, compassion, and friendship. Modern day he is one of my closest and most cherished friends. I can turn to him any time for a phone call, or to get together for lunch, and talk about anything in life. All he does is give it to me straight, offers advice, and supports when I make good choices. He doesn’t have children, yet when I bring my baby with me to our lunch dates he talks to her and plays with her with no anxiety. (Most parents can agree that a child free person can sometimes get uncomfortable around kids of any age, and I actually lost a LOT of friends after becoming a parent. I’m very, very lucky and feel special knowing that Josh loves to see my child when we get together.)

He is a savior human being. He will go down in history as an actor and producer, but he will go down in MY history as the reason I’m living my best possible life scenario.

Photo: Josh & me on a date 4 years ago at the Pantages Theater for Dirty Dancing