Six days ago, I ran 10km in the park while practicing “social distancing” before we all got put under house arrest in Madrid. I felt noticeably winded after, which was strange for me, but I also thought it was the season. There’s a lot of pollen in the air right now and I was just getting over a cold, or at least I thought I was.
The thing is, that “cold”, wasn’t a cold. It was coronavirus, but I just didn’t know it. My symptoms didn’t clearly match what was on the CDC and WHO websites, and so I thought I was fine.
After all, I work from home normally, live alone, try to avoid public transportation, and I’m a natural germaphobe. I already practiced all the common public health advice on a good day.
The symptoms came one by one, which made it difficult to raise concern. They started mildly, and I was able to dismiss each of them with logic. I don’t naturally assume the worst when I start feeling ill.
It started with insomnia, which I suffer from depending on where I am in my cycle. Then it was night sweats. I’m a hot sleeper and we are in between seasons now. I took my temperature: no fever. Fine, I’ll just put on a lighter blanket. Then I had a splitting headache when I woke up in the morning, which is rare for me, but I hadn’t been sleeping well because of the insomnia. Ok, normal side effect: I’ll take some ibuprofen. Then I was dizzy when I got out of bed. Ok, that’s odd, but I know that sometimes happens if I stand up too quickly.
I started sneezing, which is what I usually do when a cold is coming on. Ok, I’m getting a cold. My throat started to be sore, then my nose got runny. Ok, yes, I am definitely getting a cold. No surprise there: I often get a cold around this time of year. Next, I woke up sore and my body ached. Did I work out too hard the day before? Maybe, I thought. I had a slight dry cough. But it wasn’t continuous. I might have coughed twice in a day, more like I was clearing my throat.
I went for a run. I was noticeably slower than a few days prior. I felt wheezy afterwards. Strange, I thought. But, there’s a lot of pollen in the air. It was hard to go up my apartment's stairs at this point, but my resting breath was not labored, so I’m fine.
My symptoms got progressively worse, but they weren’t serious and felt more like an inconvenience than anything else. I was still able to run, still able to work from home, still able to take care of myself, I just felt a bit sore and tired.
Coronavirus is most dangerous for those with pre-existing conditions and the elderly, I thought. I’m 35, training for my third marathon at the end of April. I eat a balanced diet. I work out every day. Six months ago, I got my full blood work and an EKG and my doctor said I should frame it because the results were so good. I can kick whatever this is, I thought.
Then, after several days, my symptoms eased up. They seemed to vanish. I was feeling better. I went for a run in the park before we got put under house arrest. You can’t run 10km with coronavirus, I thought.
Then my head became congested and started to ache, my eyes and throat started burning, but most of my other symptoms went away. Ah, ok, it was just a cold. I don’t see anything on the CDC about congestion. I breathed a sigh of relief.
But I wasn’t getting over it, I was just entering week two, when according to some health experts, the symptoms seem to go away, but can often come back and get worse.
I could go on about all the small symptoms I dismissed that came one by one and stacked on top of each other to get me where I am today. But I will save you the time.
Some of my symptoms today are: my body aches came back. I constantly have a headache. My throat burns. My breathing sounds different, and can sometimes be labored. My body temperature fell below 35 C the other day, the temperature for hypothermia. My toenails started to turn blue, my lips turned purple. I have three pairs of wool socks on my feet right now and they are still cold. I took my temperature, I’m just above 35 C today. My knees are wobbly and my hands are shaky. My dexterity is strained. I lost 10 pounds in the past week. I’m not trying to lose weight. I have no appetite. I can’t smell, I can’t taste.
My lymph nodes are more swollen than I’ve ever witnessed before. You can’t see my jawline anymore. They are tender to the touch and my neck is stiff when I try to turn it. It feels like someone has their hands around my neck all day and is constricting my air passages. It is difficult to swallow, but I can still swallow, so I am thankful.
It’s hard to concentrate on anything. I read the same sentence over and over again 10 times and I can’t tell you what it says. My cough came back. It is still dry, but this time it feels less like I’m clearing my throat and it is wheezy.
But I am still fine. I am waking up every day and talking to friends who are adjusting to working from home or talking about going “stir crazy”. Yes, this is an inconvenience to us all. I’m sure you had amazing plans this year, as did I.
I’m trying to pay attention during these calls while I’m looking at my emergency contact’s number I’ve written on a piece of paper and taped to my front door. In Madrid all the hospitals are already overwhelmed with patients so they are telling people if it is not life-threatening, just stay home.
I’m trying to decide how long I need to wait before I knock on my neighbor’s door and ask him to call an ambulance. Will he hear me knock? Will the ambulance come in time? Will there be a bed for me at the hospital? Those are the thoughts I am wrestling with these days.
People in the U.S. are starting to take this seriously, but it’s not enough. It’s not fast enough, it’s not decisive enough, it’s not collective enough. I called my best friend in San Francisco last night. He was self-quarantining, but his friends were still asking him to come out for a St. Patty’s day party. I wanted to scream.
Last night when we all went out onto our balconies to applaud the health care workers, I broke down sobbing. I haven’t cried like that in four years. Madrid is living in the future of what the U.S., and many other countries, will experience shortly, and it is as if we are on two different planets. Gaslighting never felt so painful.
I hear the sirens go by my apartment. I am trying to warn my friends at home to take this seriously. Thankfully, many have. But many still have not.
I hadn’t planned on telling my friends and family that I have the coronavirus. I did not want sympathy, worry, or messages to get better soon. I had planned to keep this to myself. But I have decided to share my story with you because I want your action.
Call five friends or family members. Ask them what they are doing to limit their movement and social activities right now. Ask them if they are prepared to stay at home for a month or longer. Do they have what they need? And then ask them to call five more people and repeat.
I’m sorry if this message is scary for you, but it should be. Fear is a biological human emotion that serves to protect us from danger. Use that fear to act like a responsible citizen, not a psychopath at the grocery store.
This doesn’t feel like a "flu". I don’t ever remember worrying about how long I should wait to be gasping for air before I call for an ambulance during regular flu season.
Update: Julia called her primary care doctor on 3/20 and was advised to go to the hospital. After waiting 11 hours for a bed to open up, she was admitted for pneumonia and tested positive for COVID-19. She was released from the hospital on 3/24 and is under home quarantine and being monitored by tele-medicine until she tests negative.
Please know that this is Julia’s story, and your symptoms might be different than hers. This is a novel virus, and doctors are still learning about how it affects each person differently. Please keep yourself informed by looking at the CDC and WHO websites for updates on common symptoms and precautions to take if you are feeling ill, including self-quarantining.
She recommends keeping a daily journal of your symptoms so you can monitor their progression, starting from day 1 of symptoms and tracing back who you might have been in contact with during the days prior to having those symptoms. If your symptoms start to feel concerning or unmanageable, please call your doctor.
