Diving Into the Deep End

Dreams will only be dreams … until taken seriously.

Like so many of us out there, I don’t want to fail. At all. Life would be just fine and dandy if I could just scrounge up my courage to do whatever I wanted to do, without the loom of slightest failure ahead of me.

I tested my chances cautiously in the smallest of paces: writing inspiring observations on Facebook, assisting on occasion open mics and getting up on stage to perform poetry that seemed to have gathered cobwebs over time and the fleeting urges I gave into of writing empowering messages to my closest relatives and friends, among other interests I dared to expose my creative self in.

No matter how small a step I dared to take or slightest urge that I decided to follow, the end result was that I GAVE IN.

Giving in to my Self always ended with a renewed sense of freedom that left me wanting more. Giving in meant letting go momentarily of how perfect I wanted everything to sound. I can be an extremely critical person when it comes to creating. I plan. Devise. Outline. Edit. And only to be continually tired of this tediousness that dissolved the fun out of being who I originally wanted to be.

Failure is not failure after all — but rather your breath knocked out until you regain steady breathing.

Making an effort to give in to The Dreams I had since my first grade hands learned to journal is a power I owe to my beginnings. It has been a long road and I am proud of following (more so, tiptoeing) towards my sense of self, rather than my askew perception of what of others want of me.

I will never forget the stranger I met while hanging out with a couple friends after work. I read a piece of poetry that had a strong beginning but had not edited nor had applied a suave ending at that time. He seemed genuinely taken into the feeling of each word still. I remember expressing some personal uncertainties when he cut me off and said, “Publish whatever you got — every ass has its seat.”

When I remember these words from time to time, I set aside impending doubts. I inherit once again the power of giving in, for when I do, is when I truly give it my all.