The Sex Talk I Wished I Had

Sex talks are notorious. They are uneasy, nasty things that leaves one with an odd perception of sex.

Up until my 26th year I was a virgin. I used to spend hours reading blogs and watching the odd bit of porn to try and figure out what the infamous first time will be like. In all honesty I was ashamed of being so inexperienced whilst my peers were already married with kids.

At times I really disliked being a virgin because I couldn’t understand what the fuss was about. The sex talk I received left me with decided feelings that sex was humiliating and ugly. The odd porn clip cemented this belief, yet the curiosity burned! I mean how could everyone do it if it was awful?

I would plague people online (I was too shy to ask in person) to tell me about their first time experiences. I wanted to understand and I did not want to be caught by surprise about anything regarding sex.

All my vigilant research was useless in the end.

Nobody ever mentions how clueless they felt at the first time. Mentally you know what is transpiring, but you still are in the dark as to what exactly will happen. Hormones has that mind numbing effect.

Along with the cluelessness, comes vulnerability. Vulnerability is present the entire time and is especially poignant afterwards when you desperately need to be held. Nobody warns about that.

And yes, rumours abound about how painful sex is for a woman the first time. I could not sleep half the night due to pain. And yes, it hurts the first few times, accompanied by bleeding. After the whole thing is done, you kinda lie there and wonder “Is that IT?” TV sex scenes, erotic scenes in novels....they all painted it as this hormone filled, electric ecstasy emotion explosion. I felt rather robbed.

So I guess the sex talk that I needed was not one that highlighted sex as an awful thing ….but one that dealt with the emotional effects that arose, the unexpected need to cuddle and to be held and how one would feel more connected to the other person….beautiful things in a loving relationship, but rather hurtful if he gets you in bed purely for the sake of fucking you.

Then again….it still wouldn’t have quelled my curiosity and the inevitable questions….