I married the first person I had sex with. Here’s what I learned.
Duncan Riach, Ph.D.

I had a sudden image of those pack animals, like hyenas, elephants, and chimps, where there is a certain percentage of “throwaway” males who are kicked out of the pack and are left to their own devices, never integrating fully into the pack. From this article, it seems like you can get deep fulfillment if that happens to you, or if you choose it.

However, I wouldn’t say that “starting and ending many relationships” is a good idea for me. I personally have a deep sense of commitment, to my ecosystem, my family, my students, and my friends. It is rare that ending a relationship seems either sane for me or kind to them. Refreshing or re-arranging, yes, that happens all the time. But for me, on the whole, ending relationships just seems like prowling around the edges, never fully agreeing to what life offers.

I have ended a few, but if there were a chance to re-up them, I’d take it. Yes, dealing with mentally ill people and alcoholics turns out to be more than I can handle in some cases, but also yes, I’m open to renewing if it seems like there could be some kind of mutuality there. I learned a whole lot from my dysfunctional no-longer-friends, and am certain that the well of understanding has not been drained.

So I guess I’d say that while your path seems right for you, it’s not, in my opinion, a panacea for everyone.

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