Finding the Inner Light

Nadia was born in Bangladesh and grew up in Botswana, New York, Texas and Toronto. Her interests, work experience and career path have been equally diverse and far-reaching, spanning the world of art, business, and event planning. Julian caught up with Nadia at a crossroads on her journey where she is doing the inner-work it takes to figure out where she wants to go next…

Julian: Your career journey has had a lot of interesting twists and turns, can you tell me about your path so far?

Nadia: In high school I was passionate about photography and filmmaking but I ended up studying business in university. I dropped out after two years and then completed an event management program in college. Then I got involved in the Remix Project where I gained some graphic design skills and created a project called, Kaleid — an online platform for creative South Asians in Toronto. At Kaleid I was the creative director and the whole project gained a lot of unexpected attention. At that point I was 21, and already feeling really drained and burnt-out, even though I was doing something that I loved.

Julian: What did you decide to do when Kaleid ended?

Nadia: I took some time to travel. My parents are from small villages in Bangladesh and I went there alone with the intention to learn more about my family, to figure out my dad’s life story and what brought us to Canada.

Julian: What did you find out?

Nadia: My dad wanted to be a filmmaker and was about to apply for film school when his friends suggested that he take an engineering test with a Parisian firm in town who were hiring. He did the test, got a job, and that’s how we left Bangladesh. My dad is one of those people who are talented in both the arts and the sciences. Once I realized who my dad is and what he has given up, I understood why I am so artistically driven.

Julian: How was your transition coming back to Toronto?

Nadia: I came back and started working for a social enterprise. The job ended up being super stressful and not what I really wanted to do. I would go home feeling like I had 10 bricks on each shoulder. I realized that I wasn’t my true self anymore: I was this person that I decided to create because I thought that’s who I was supposed to be.

Julian: How did you reconcile the challenges at work and the alignment within yourself?

Nadia: There ended up being some racial situations and concerns at work, which myself and a few other people voiced to the rest of the staff. There was a clear clash between people in the workplace around how we worked through issues of race, class, privilege and prejudice. After a lot of hardship I knew it was time to leave. It was a difficult decision because at that time I was fully supporting myself and living alone for the first time.

Julian: What did you do after you left your job?

Nadia: I did a whole bunch of random things; I worked for TIFF, at a top modelling agency, baby and worked in a flower shop. Then I spoke with a career counselor, which was a pivotal decision during this time. She really understood my struggle, having spent her whole life flip-flopping between corporate and nonprofit work. Ultimately, she told me that you have to know who you are to find the work that you love. She asked me three key questions: “What’s important to you?” “What do you love doing?” and “What are you truly good at?”

Julian: What did you come up with?

Nadia: When I told her my answers, she said, “You sound introverted.” I never thought about myself as an introverted person, but I realized that I really do love being alone. I thought I was extroverted because I can socialize with anybody, but that just means I am a good conversationalist! I had chosen event management as a field because it was unconventional at the time, but what I found was that it is incredibly stressful for me. On the other hand, when I did Kaleid, I loved it because I was working creatively, and often alone.

Julian: Since you left your job you’ve moved back home: has this been difficult?

Nadia: Yes. I came back thinking that in a way, I had failed. Now that I am here, it’s actually a very different dynamic from when I was first living at home. I wrote my parents a contract so this time I have much more independence — and clarity about how we’re going to live together. I also have a lot of free time to explore new ideas, gain new skills and plot my next move. My career counselor has been really supportive and I am working on my ability to be present, which I struggle with.

Julian: What are you doing to achieve this?

Nadia: I decided to go on a meditation retreat, which is hilarious because I’ve always bashed meditation. On a personal level, I don’t like meditation, mostly because of not wanting to face some aspect of myself. I often think about going somewhere else to do something different, but this type of thinking is problematic because at the root of it, I am not dealing with my internal reality. It’s not about where you are. It’s about who you are.

Julian: What has been your guiding mantra though your career journey so far?

Nadia: I literally try everything. I don’t sit idle. I don’t know what I want to do with my life, but what I do know is how I want to live my life, and I will do everything in my power to get closer to that.