Inner Monologues of Inanimate Objects #9: Draggin’ Dragon

COME NOT BETWEEN THE DRAGON AND HIS WRATH!!!
(That’s Shakespeare for those of you who don’t know. Just wanted to make that clear. ’Cause I’m a smart dragon. I’m not just a fire-breathing nincompoop.
It’s from KING LEAR.
So. Now you know.
Where was I? Oh, yeah).
BEWARE MY FIRERY WRATH! DO NOT IMAGINE THAT YOU CAN DEFEAT ME! FOR I AM YACHUL SCARLET, THE MOST FEARED DRAGON IN ALL OF PRAVALON KINGDOM! I SHALL RAIN DOWN FIRE ON ALL WHO FAIL TO HONOR ME! SEND YOUR FIERCEST WARRIOR TO TRY AND DEFEAT ME AND I SHALL — I SHALL —
…
God dammit.
My name is not Yachul Scarlet.
It’s Kevin.
Not very menacing is it? How scary can you be when you’re made of plastic and recommended for children ages 2–5? And now I’ve been left outside like trash. It’s so embarrassing. I mean, look at me! I’m in good shape, man. I look practically brand new. The kid I was given to, Emily, she wanted nothing to do with me. I get what her parents were trying to do, you know, the whole non-gender-conforming toy thing. But as soon as I saw Emily, with her pigtails and her purple tutu, I just knew that I was going to sit in her toy chest, bored out of my mind. She wasn’t going to invite me to any of her tea-parties. (Those things look fun, by the way. Not a very “dragon” thing to say but, whatever, it’s the truth). Good news is this neighborhood is filthy with kids so who knows, maybe this situation isn’t as bad as I thought. Maybe some little tot sees me, begs his (or her, or her!) Mommy and Daddy and off I go for actual adventures where I terrorize villages made out of Legos. Not a bad gig.
…
Sure do hope someone comes along soon. Looks like rain.
