ATTN ALL: we need to stop body policing
I was talking with a co-worker today about clothing because I commented to her that I liked her glasses/ bold red lipstick look (she normally wears contacts and generally doesn’t wear lipstick).
We got to talking about clothing and she commented on some shorts I wore to work the other day.
The shorts I wore were from Ann Taylor (a women’s business clothing store), they were well fitting, well made, and what I considered work-appropriate for summer. I work in an office that doesn’t have a set dress code, so we have employees wearing everything from basketball shorts/ sweatpants, to jeans, to business suits in my office.
That day I didn’t need to meet with clients. I was sitting behind a desk doing paperwork for 90% of the day.
And I did my work fine.
I went thru the day without a word said to me about how I was dressed. No one said a word about how I was going about my job or my performance.
In fact, I had completely forgotten that I wore shorts that week until it was brought up in conversation today.
The coworker said that she generally liked my outfits but questioned the professionalism of the shorts… quickly adding she “didn’t care that I wore them, but others might…like the labor workers.” Clearly insinuating that I might be a distraction to the male production workers down stairs.
Let me start off by saying: this is not the first time my body has been policed, and unfortunately, it won’t be the last.
I’ve experienced 23 years of body policing and over the years it’s only gotten worse.
It happens regularly, if I choose not to wear makeup people ask me
“Are you sick?”
“Did you wake up late today?”
If I choose to wear more makeup people ask me:
“Why are you all dressed up?”
“Who are you trying to impress?”
“I like you better/ you look better with less make up.”
I have been a commodity for people to comment on most of my life. From the time I was 5 years old, I was told from an institutional level that I couldn’t show my shoulders and my shorts, skirts, and dresses needed to be longer than my fingertips (which for a tall and gangly girl like myself is hard to accomplish) — standards that really only applied to the female population at my school.
At my elementary school, if a girl wore a skirt or dress she couldn’t play on the playground equipment in fear of “someone might seeing something they shouldn’t.”
I was taught that my body needs to be covered so I wasn’t a “distraction” to my male peers.
I was sexualized and objectified by the time I was in kindergarten, and the saddest part is that I’m not alone.
Do we not see how wrong this is? How objectifying and how soul crushing this is for girls and women? How glaringly obvious that double standard is?
I grew up and watched boys break the dress code by wearing “bro tanks” in school without being reprimanded. They were able to wear jeans with holes. They never had to measure the length of a garment with a body part.
One of my classmates in high school was able to wear derogatory/ objectifying obscenities on his shirt without ever being forced to change, but when I was 12 I hit a growth spurt and wore a shirt that showed the smallest bit of midriff when I raised my hand in class. I was denounced by administration that I had to go change into more “appropriate clothes” (A.K.A. my gym shirt) during the middle of class forcing me to STOP learning, publicly humiliate me by calling me out in front of 32 other giggling 12 year olds, and sent me the clear message that my intelligence was less important than how I looked.
I’m not ridiculing dress codes (although I think there should be reformation in that area). I think it’s fine to teach children that there is a time and a place for certain clothing options.
I understand if a company or school wants to represent their brand thru the way its employees/ students dress and behave while their in that environment. I’m okay with that. I understand that there is a time and a place for beachwear — and a corporate company meeting with the CEO might not be one of them.
I couldn’t state the issue with female body policing any better than Beth Kramer, writer for The Huffington Post, when she wrote,
“What disturbs me about this trend to style-shame girls is the reasoning behind the rules. We’re propagating the idea that we need to police women’s bodies to avoid tempting the male of our species, who are presumed to have no self-control when faced with a pretty girl in a sundress.”
This mentality is problematic because the thought process behind “don’t attract the male gaze” perpetuates rape culture and validates perpetrators of sexual harassment (a dangerous mindset to be teaching).
My other issue with body policing is the objectification and oppression that when a dress code either isn’t enforced equally or isn’t established entirely, men and women think it’s their duty to gossip about/ or tell others (primarily women) what they should do with their bodies.
Addressing and correcting how a woman looks trivializes everything else she is, has been, or can be.
Case in point: Gabby Douglas is the world’s best gymnast. She’s is a three time Olympic Gold medalist, the first black woman to win the woman’s all-around, has wrote and published two books, and is basically an all-around bad ass at the age of 20. In comparison, most people at 20 years old are wondering if they could still eat the pizza in the fridge that’s over a week old without regretting it, (the answer to that question is always “no, you’ll regret eating it for sure.”) but sport commentators were quick to mock her physical appearance saying that her hair looked gross after basically defining gravity at the 2016 Rio Olympics.
Those comments reflect the double standard that women live life with daily.
Reflecting back to the previous conversation I had with my coworker: I experienced the same double standard in my work place today… my male coworkers frequently arrive in cargo and basketball shorts (not professional in any situation) and not a word is said to them — and I don’t want a word to be said to them (unless we instate a formal company dress code).
They go about their day completing tasks and working hard at producing quality work despite their casual attire. If my male coworkers are able to wear basketball shorts, sweatpants, and sport jerseys to work without ridicule, objectification, and people questioning their effectiveness due to their attire, then I should have the same right — especially in regard to worrying if I’m a “distraction” and make it difficult for work to be accomplished.
This post isn’t about how we should shame men the same way women are shamed.
It’s about equality and growing the eff up.
We can teach our children and ourselves that there’s a time and a place for cocktail or beach attire without shaming girls/ women for their bodies.
We can hold ourselves and others to the standard that no matter what someone is wearing, it doesn’t mean they’re fair game to objectify, or touch, or comment on.
I want the same treatment my male basketball-short-wearing coworkers receive extended to everyone that doesn’t have that privilege.
I’m not writing this to gain sympathy from people. I’m writing this because this is one part to the systematic oppression that women and girls around the world face everyday, and if I don’t point out when it’s happening in my life, how am I supposed to expect people to change or speak up about it in their life?
I honestly could not care less if someone doesn’t like the way I look; I know who I am and what I can do.
But I write and expose the actions of people who try to push me down (even if they don’t mean to) for the young girls wishing for a better tomorrow and women that die everyday all over the world for the same small things I do that can’t continue to be overlooked by society.
I am a small piece to this ongoing monologue.
So in conclusion: stop commenting on my shorts because it’s not what you want me to wear or they might be “distracting” to you.
Stop commenting on my hair because it’s not how you would have styled it.
Stop commenting on my makeup because my face doesn’t fit into the way you think it should look.
Stop commenting on anything that doesn’t have to do with you.
What I do with my body isn’t for you — it’s for me.
I am not your Barbie Doll for you to dress, and speak for, and act how you please.
I am a person.
A person with emotions, and thoughts, and accomplishments, and failures that all add up to a life of my own.
So politely, I ask you to STFU and move on with your life.
If you have nothing better to do than comment on me or other people, I’m sorry because that’s an awful life being completely absorbed with what others are doing… and I recommend looking into a hobby.
So kindly, stop policing me and everyone else — we can thrive without the commentary.
