Who Can You Trust

Julie Queler
Sep 7, 2018 · 3 min read

Trust is a funny thing. It takes a long time to build it and only a millisecond to break it. If you have a history of having your trust broken, it can take even longer to want to trust someone. This can lead to strained relationships, feeling alone, and a whole slew of other emotional and mental roadblocks.

When you meet someone for the first time, you ultimately decide in those first few seconds if you can trust them or not. We’ve all experienced this before. You meet a new colleague or a person out at an event and you immediately start evaluating them.

It is almost 100% subconscious. You watch their movements, listen to the flow of their sentences, evaluate their statements and expressions based pre-formulated viewpoints. All of these things combine to help you decide whether or not you can trust that person. Our brains actually take just three-hundredths of a second to evaluate someone’s trustworthiness.

Unfortunately, there is no magic formula for deciding who you can trust. Humans are a highly complex and that makes it hard to apply a blanket equation for trust. You really have to almost go with your gut. In fact, those three-hundredths of a second that it takes for your brain to make a decision is linked in the prehistoric part of our brain. It is a basic fight or flight response.

Sometimes, it is good to go with that gut instinct. Afterall, it is there for a reason. For example, to tell you that it’s probably a bad idea to walk down that dark street or that you should maybe stay in your car until that person walks around the corner.

That being said, in order to really decide who you can trust, you are going to need to step back and evaluate each situation individually. When you meet someone, try to suspend your preconceived opinions and really learn about that person. They are most likely being as equally cautious as you are. Ask about their friends and family, learn about their interests and hobbies, get them to take down the wall they built so you can see the real person.

Once you can feel and see the wall coming down, now you can really start to see who the person is. Take this time to get to know more about them. Watch how they interact with others and pay attention to how they talk to people.

This isn’t a fast process. If you have had your trust violated before, it can be hard to open up to someone. Give yourself the time and the space to learn about the person and decide if you want to trust them.

While I want to tell you that you can trust everyone, that sadly isn’t true. Some people just can’t be trusted and it is up to you to learn that about them. In those situations, I recommend going with your gut but giving that person the chance to prove you wrong.

Trust is increasingly difficult for people. It’s unpredictable and can lead to heartbreak, but you have to be open to it. You have to be open to people proving you wrong. You have to be open to allowing yourself to trust others. Only then will you be able to form real and meaningful relationships.

Julie Queler

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